122813 Ehwaz

Transformation does not mean everything must change; nor must all be lost.  Comfortable habits from the past can facilitate relationships in the future.

***************************************************

I for one am grateful for these words...  because things are changing so quickly it seems.  I realize it is simply the culmination of the change -- the birth happens suddenly, but one does prepare for 9 months prior -- but still, this last week has felt like a house dropping on my head.

So it is reassuring to know that though relationships change, they need not dissolve altogether.  Acceptance and non-judgement.  And yes, using old habits, ways of working together, to ease into the new form the relationship has taken.  Which is excellent, because we all change, and thus our relationships must change also.

More comfortable for me to talk about right now is my renewed interest in singing.  It's never been totally dormant, but it has, mostly, lain fallow (unless you count in the car going "65 I swear, officer" down the highway.  Belting is a requirement at that speed.)  Suddenly, I am exploring vocal warm ups on You Tube (Eric Arceneaux), paying attention to my support (mostly), and trying to find my classical voice.  As I used to take voice lessons, many of proper singings tools are comfortable old habits.  Rusty, but comfortable.  Like putting on the prom dress and realizing you just need to iron it out and make adjustment to one seam.

An uncomfortable habit is videotaping myself to see what I really need to work on.  My voice teacher used to record me on tape; I never like the sound of my recorded voice.

I was happily surprised to realize I wasn't horrified by the video tape.  I am unable to say I was awesome, because, I really don't know.  But I was decent.  I didn't cringe away from my voice or even from watching myself.  And now I know a lot of things I need to work on.  Work-on-able things.  So somewhere I developed the habit of being able to critique myself in a positive fashion.  Yay me!

Of course, I have no desire for singing to replace any of my other loves (reading, riting, rithmatic or rumination!) so I hope this transformation means my skills have developed enough to fit something new into the mix.

**************************************

122913 nothing at all (seriously, no rune wanted to be pulled.  The universe was busy *G*.)

123013 DagazR:  Today is a day to keep moving ahead, no judgements or analysis.  One step in front of the other, slow and steady, with a deep breath in between.  Make sure each step is finished before you move on, but don't stop to critique.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

122713 FehuR, AnsazR

It may feel difficult today to get your ideas to flow into the productivity stage.  Two 
options:  change your focus (go AROUND the block), or chuck it for the day (go for coffee.)

*****************************************
And so we see how pride goeth before a humble admission of being just like everyone else.

Ansaz is a communication stone, and it may not be evident in the post above, but in my head yesterday's reading was about communication.  Maybe it was so just for me.  Anyway.  I found it amusing because, well, I consider the posting of the rune readings to be communication.  Just reading the runes is communication.  So, I'm posting that the ideas (interpretation of the rune) may have difficulty getting to the productivity stage (actual posting of said interpretation.)  Nya nya, not for me.  Lalalalalalalala.

(Side note - I pulled an Ogham card yesterday which spoke of free expression.  Share your ideas!  Ha!  Ogham trumps Rune.)

So I did my rune readings, I sent some emails, I sang some, I talked to my person.  Very very productive day.  Except.

Except.

One of my goals yesterday was to get to the personal bookkeeping, and part of the bookkeeping means going through the emails to check for bills and payments, etc.  And I knew there was an email in that category I really needed to answer (or at least acknowledge.)

Every time I sat down, something else popped up.  I tried 3 or 4 times.  And finally, at the end of the day, I realized this was my production block.  Each different approach had failed.  So, I raised my eyebrows at my computer, and did the equivalent of going out for coffee.

I really do hope I get to them today.

***********************************************************
122813 Ehwaz

Transformation does not mean everything must change; nor must all be lost.  Comfortable habits from the past can facilitate relationships in the future.

I hope you  have a great day!

122413 Berkano

Today's nurturing includes the energy of others, whether you are nurturing them or receiving nourishment from them.  Deep breath, and you decide what feels best in each situation.

**********************

Ah.  This one came as a big surprise to me.  This last year being difficult for many people, I have become accustomed to relying mostly on myself.  To not turning to anyone.  I have been practicing asking for help, but...   And, as I imagine is happening with many people, though things are slowly improving, this past week has been one of major upheaval.

I was having a break down (and trying to sing through it), when my person came in and gave me exactly what I needed, a hug.  Scarily, this nurturing did NOT stop the meltdown, it facilitated it and out poured all sorts of words, describing feelings I would never have thought I was having.

And I'll be honest.  I did start the break down with the thought, knowledge that I needed some outside assistance (cuz the rune said so), and I was working on feeling the spiritual support (when I wasn't singing angry woman music.)  Having the physical support was astounding and today I realize something.  (Here's the kick in the pants part of the nurturing...)

I've gotten a little too used to the difficult status quo.  My responses and patterns are still based on the protective posture I've been practicing.  Frankly, I'm still getting used to the idea that I have the right and responsibility to protect myself, to stand up for myself, to do for myself.

But now, things are improving.  And there are people I can turn to, and people I can let in.  Today is not yesterday, every moment is new, every situation is a death and a birth.  And if I don't want to be alone, then I need to put a window in the protective walls and see who's out there helping me.

So Thanks, Berkano, and person, for the support and the subsequent learning experience (yes, slight sarcasm).  Thanks for helping me reach one of the sore spots, thanks for helping see the positive side, eventually.  And "Thank you for the music" (Abba), especially the song "Piece of Sky" from Yentl.  

***************************

Reading for 122713  FehuR, AnsazR

It may feel difficult today to get your ideas to flow into the productivity stage.  Two options:  change your focus (go AROUND the block), or chuck it for the day (go for coffee.)

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

122313 Ingwaz

An idea or project you (we) have been feeding (and have possibly given up on) will show signs of growth today.  Yay us!

*********************

I honestly have no idea about this one.  Possibilities: I increased my internet presence a little yesterday (Skype, Linkdin (or whatever), edited some of this website).  Today, I have no clue if any of that is relevant.  So I will believe that something I did watered the blossom that sprouted.  Or added more fuel for future blossoming.  Maybe it was in my meditations, my interactions with others.  Feeding the squirrels.  I do not know.  *wry grin*

***********************************

122413 Berkano

Today's nurturing includes the energy of others, whether you are nurturing them or receiving nourishment from them.  Deep breath, and you decide what feels best in each situation.

I hope you have a great day!

122213 DagazR off water

The driving force today is the hope, or fear, you are acting without fully analyzing, especially in emotional areas.

***********************

This past day was another transformation for me in the area of emotion.  This, combined with an Ogham reading I did, indicated I was to lead with my heart.

I took that to mean communicating (or acting) without second guessing and without editing.  So when it came time to communicate in an emotional area, I did it as a (to me) jumble of words.

And I am grateful that I did that, that I spoke freely.  Otherwise, my second guessing would be based on an analytical perspective instead of a heartfelt one.  One can always second guess the analysis.  But when one speaks from the heart, pours out their truth, there's nothing really to second guess.

**********
122313 - Ingwaz
An idea or project you (or we) have been feeding (and have possibly given up on) will show signs of growth today.  Yay us!

I hope you're having a great day!

-Lila

121813 JeraR

It may feel like you're not receiving the equivalent of the energy you put out, particularly in communications.  Remember, the harvest isn't all in yet.  Tomorrow is another day.

**********************

Communications wise, I can see how this applied to a friend, yesterday.  His perception led him to expect the conversation to go one way, when it didn't go anywhere at all.

For me personally, yesterday was much more about the physical harvest as relates to health.  It seems I put a lot of time and energy into thinking about my health and my body in general, and yet haven't received the results I expected.  Like taking medication and not having it work the way I hoped.

Was the seed not planted soon enough (ie: the meds not taken in a timely fashion)?  Have i not waited a long enough time?  Is more care required?

Well, like I said, today is another day.

I hope you're having a great one!

-Lila

121513 BerkanoR, AnsazR

Double check your information, especially in the financial or physical area.

And yes, once more, no coddling.  

Together, this means, don't push yourself beyond your limits.  Listen to your body.  Can you do more with ease and competence?

***************

Yeah.  That was a little convoluted.

Trying to cover all the bases for all the people, I imagine.

Well, for me, the communication issues yesterday were extremely convoluted.

It started with an unexpected outburst.  I said something forceful to someone else, and sent myself into a journey of self exploration.  Yippee, she says softly and with little enthusiasm.

I do not have a history of speaking forcefully, so once I recovered from my shock and amazement, and processed the reaction of the person I'd been speaking to, my impulse was to go apologize.

I didn't.

In the first place, I had no idea why I snapped.  (Still don't.)  So making an apology was meaningless.  Insincere.  It would only be a "oh, don't hate me!"

I replayed and replayed the incident (except for the actual words, which I can no longer remember.)  And every rewording or long drawn out, carefully explained non-apology sounded, well, weak.  Wrong.  Devaluing.  The only relevant apology would be for being myself.  And, as I accept myself, there is no need to apologize.

Eventually, I came around to this conclusion.  I have to trust myself.  I have to honor myself.  I go on and on about speaking from our truths.  What if what I said, or the way I said it, was something that needed to be said or done?  From my truth and for hers?   What if what I said was the kindest, or most healing, thing that could be said?

So.  This left me with an interesting emotional cloud to wallow in.  Who knew NOT apologizing took such strength?

I knew the best thing for me to do was to meditate.  Settle myself down.  Look in deep and make sure I was moving froward from a, well, "happy" place, and not a grudging one.

Instead, I wallowed, a martyr to trauma.  I ate chocolate and watched videos until late in the night.  Perhaps punishing myself with unwanted calories.  Shrug.  Perhaps deliberately not doing what I needed.  Or perhaps my brain thought it had had enough trauma for one day and feared the self introspection of meditation.  Silly brain.

So, I coddled myself instead of healed and soothed, due to an interesting, still not quite understood communication.  And even know I haven't meditated.  I have done a long of busy work, cleaned up & sorted.  But the spiritual has taken a back road.

Interestingly enough, the internet went down also yesterday.  Talk about communication issues.

There was no reading today (see the busy work paragraph) and tomorrow is the full  moon.  But I'll be back in touch with you soon.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

121313 BerkanoR

Today is a day of doing what needs to be done.  No cushioning, no safety net.  No coddling.

*******************************

This past day, BerkanoR nudged me into productivity.

Yesterday, I planned to practice clothes shopping some more.  I scheduled a familiar store for the morning, and then lunch, and then a strip mall for the afternoon.  And yes, this is during the holiday season, but I thought I was safe because it wasn't a weekend.  And I was going to celebrate the practice with a gourmet cupcake.  

I did very well at the familiar store.  I tried things on.  I explored different brands and different sizes and I didn't try and talk  myself into sticking with a size 18 when it felt too tight.  Granted, my body shape will shape up (or would that be down?) but for now, I must accept myself as I am.  And, even more difficult, I didn't buy something just because it fit. If I don't like something, I'm not going to wear it, which will pile guilt on top of the remembered frustration of shopping.

So, when I left the store, I was not depressed or frustrated.  (Or not much anyway.)  I was much better off than a year ago.

But, it was hard to be so crowded.  And it's not just the people, but all the clothes crammed into such a small space.  I was grateful to be out of the store.

Next I went to lunch with my warrior friend.  And we had one of those conversations where, by the end, you just need to sit and stare at a blank wall to fully absorb all the truths.  Between that and the lateness of the hour and other personal events, I decided to save the strip mall for another day.  Which meant, no gourmet cupcake.

Previously, I would be so very put out by the change in plans.  i would either berate myself for avoiding the mall; or I would  make it a full out sloth day and watch television and buy something sweet to make up for the treat I missed.  

Happily, I remembered, first, that I still needed to do the daily rune reading.  So, I did a fast one.  And there was BerkanoR, telling me to get my act together and quit moping.  So instead of slothing, I did some bookkeeping.  And then some writing.  And, of course, some posting.  (I did stop to have dinner, cooked by my husband.  So, I did get a treat after all.)

And this morning, the productivity continued.  It was, in fact, a very productive day on, I think, all 4 of my branches.  (Reading, Riting, Rithmatic & Ruminating.) 

Amusingly, the reading today was again BerkanoR.  So, still moving right along.  Let's see how much more I can get done before the Full Moon.  And this does make me happy.  Productivity is still addictive.  And I love what I do.  So bring it on, Berkano!

I hope you have a great day.

-Lila

121213 - Odin's Rune (the Blank Rune)

The universe has no advice or key phrases today.  Just keep being you.  We hope you have a great day!

***************************

For myself, the actual video-taped reading was more accurate... and that is one of the problems with trying to sum up even a 1 rune reading.  On the other hand, there are different audiences for different media forms.  I believe that each person connects with the information she needs to receive at the proper time.

In the video, I talked about another reason for the Blank rune.  That some decisions haven't been made yet, so the Universe has no advice.

It makes me think of Minority Report, a movie based on a short story.  (I have seen the movie; I have not read the story (by Philip K. Dick), so I don't know if the backbone of the stories are the same.)  In Minority Report a person can get arrested and prosecuted for intending to commit a crime.  And the "recall" of the psychics is somehow taped and used as judicial evidence.

But, it is not only a woman's right, it is a HUMAN's right to change her mind.  How many times have you, mad as Medusa on a cold day, and righteously so, intended to wreak havoc upon your transgressors?  And yet they still live and breath and (other than that zit which you privately celebrated) continue to appear untraumatized?

It is a long, long trip from the moment of intention to the moment of action.  And we well know how a small thing can create a big change.  Heck, the Butterfly Effect is a movie also!

The future, the future is always always changing.  

So for me, and the utterly interesting past day, the Blank Rune had to have been about the effects of decisions that hadn't been made.    Which, in the end, comes down to the same thing it always does.

Be the best me I can be.  Breathe.  Stand in my truth.  Act (not react) from my truths.  Choose what I want to be a part of, and what I don't.  What makes me happy?

 Big or small, personal or global, within and without, above and below, it's all the same.  The things practiced for small events are the same moves for the big events.  And really, there is no such thing as a small event.  But that balances out by meaning there is no such thing as a big event.  Everything, every moment, every choice has the importance and value of that moment.  Then, it's over and time to move on to the next.

So, while the Blank Rune did portend a rash of interesting behavior from others, the "sum up" is still the same and it was what I remembered.  I kept being me.

And I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

121013 AnsazR

Communication may be interesting today.  Clarify, breathe, and start over if you need to.

*********************

Well, the amusing thing about that reading is -  I was doing the video recording, and I did, in fact, have to start over as I was unable to string words together coherently in the first take.

But the other way it applied to me this past day is through shopping.

Clothes shopping to be precise.

I am a bookkeeper because I love numbers.  And in bookkeeping (or any math, as far as I know), 1 equals 1 equals 1.  Always and forever.  Calculus may do all sorts of funky things to the number 1, or 2 or 47, but the number itself never loses its meaning.  1 is always 1.

Until you get to clothes.  (and shoes.)   First, you have to qualify what "age" group you're talking about.  A size 1 in infants is different from a 1 in toddlers which is different from a 1 in kids which is different from a size 1 in Juniors which is a different than the 1 in General which is different from a size 1 in Women's.  (And of course all of these are different from the male size 1.)

After you find the appropriate "age", you then get to explore different brands.  And yes, Merano's size 1 is different from Mossimo.  Vera Wang is different from Apt 9.  Wranglers is different from Levi's.  Or, since I was looking at underwear, Hanes is different from Fruit of the Loom which is different from Bali which is different from...

Now, let me share something really fun with you.  Just within one brand the sizes were different in different styles!  - the Med size for hipsters was NOT the same as the Med size for boy shorts.  Grrr.  ARRRGH.

So, my communication issues had to do with me trying to figure out the communication system of intimates.  And I did guess incorrectly.  I'll be taking them back and trying again.

Though probably not tomorrow.   I was so traumatized by the experience (she types with an eye roll, but she really means it) I never did get to today's rune reading.  So look for me not tomorrow.  (Unless you aren't reading this today.  Then tomorrow changes.  Unlike the numbers.)

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila  

12913 - Kunos & WunjoR

Kunos - Choices become more specific, possibly spiritual in nature.
WunjoR - communication with clan is spotty.
Today is a good day to double check our truths and our assumptions.

***************************************

The thing that most comes to mind about this reading and my experiences of the past day is: "the trouble with Divination."

Of course, the first down side to Divination is proving a negative.  How many accidents have we avoided, how many bitter paths have we missed, how many ill feelings have we escaped because we turned right instead of left?  Oh yeah?  Prove it.  

But the second down side is about focus:  If all you focus on is the event or situation, how can you know what else is possible?   

A member of my clan read me an astrological prediction for 2014 (obviously a general prediction, but Yay Leos!).  It was very encouraging, but now I find myself limiting the choices I'm considering so my bright and shiny future will fit into that reading.

And that's just silly.  I put a lot of work into a lot of things this year - emotional, personal, spiritual and business (al).  Any number of doors could be the way to fulfill my ultimate goal.  And the focus mentioned in the prediction can be a side benefit of many of those doors.  Why limit myself to just that narrow perception triggered by specific words?

"I see a tall dark stranger, and a tropical island."
      Immediate perception:   Ooh!  Captain Jack (a lot steadier on his feet, and wearing a tux) is going to walk into the grocery store one day and decide I need to sail away with him.
       Reality:  A brunette basketball player has to cancel her vacation because she's picked for an All Star team.  I'm idly shopping cruise sights and voila!  the tickets are available for the right time and right price and right place for me.  
       Danger:  That I pass up this opportunity because it didn't fit into the perception.   (And, let's be honest, if a stranger tried to sweep me up, I'd probably scream and beat him with my purse.  Especially if he looked like Captain Jack.  Too bad Legolas is blonde.)

The point is this.  Perception needs two eyes, one on the broad view and one on the narrow, allowing all sorts of possibilities.  The truth of today is not necessarily the truth of tomorrow because the focus changes every day.  I pick my path moment to moment; and while my past choices may limit my current choices, there's no need to narrow the future before it even happens.

I hope that made sense.

And I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

12813 - Berkano

Today we get to step up and try on that nurturing role - through comfort or gentle nudging.  Nurturing comes in all forms, so listen to your truth.

*********************************

The person I nurtured was myself.  And a lot of it was in the gentle nudging way, if by gentle nudging you mean re-enacting the scene in Mystery, Alaska where the men are all standing around commiserating while insisting their teammate serve up his own justice by sliding into a snowbank with just his jock strap on.

The men are, in effect, nurturing the transgressor.  They understand his pain, but he needs to face the harsh task ahead of him and grow thereby.  They listen to his griping and whining, but are relentless in their attitude of "Just do it."  There is also an underlying understanding that he made his bed, so now he gets to throw his delicate parts into it.

And yes, that's how I've been "nurturing" myself this past day.  Which I don't really like, cuz it makes one me sound harsh, and the other me sound wimpy.

Which brings up the question - what exactly is nurturing?

(which leads us to searching for a dictionary app or e-book.  Which takes time away from the thought process.  Not! helpful.)  Okay.  From Dictionary.com Android app:

     Nurture: to feed and protect; to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster; to bring up; train; educate  (also available as a noun.)  (rooted in the word nourishment)

To support and encourage (right into a snow bank.)  Train.  Educate.

That one.  Educate.  I like that word.  That is what I'm doing for myself.  Because the parts of me that need nurturing are the parts I know so little about... like the physical body. And I've been through education before, so I know it requires study and learning, it stretches the brain.  I understand how education works.  (At least for me.)  I enjoy the thought of educating myself.  It's a pretty empowering word.

So, I have been educating myself for the past day, and opening the door to further education.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

12413 - ThurisazR

You may fear your shields are down.  Just pay attention; you will be fine.

************************

Blech.

And hello, after, what? 3, 4 days?

Physically,  my shields were down.  I was virally attacked and I did not enjoy it at all.

In the past, having a cold was a cue to take some down time.  And guilt played a big part of the vicious cycle which went something like this.

I start feeling tired.  I don't want to do things.  But, work ethic and guilt and "good girl" syndrome kick in and start yelling at me, so I go do things.  Then I do get sick.  But is it really sick enough to take the day off?  To not go to school or work?  To lounge around in bed all day and sleep?  (oh wonderful sleep?)  Is it sick enough to eat bland things and drink wimpy teas?  Or am I just being lazy?  Do I just want a day without responsibility?  Guilt, exhaustion, guilt, exhaustion.  Until I finally do call in sick, because doing that was less fearful than being ill at school or work.

Of course, in grade school, I had an adult to make the decision for me.  And as an adult, I followed the rules of "if you're sick enough to stay home from work, you're sick enough to stay home from everything else."  (this actually backfired once.)  There was also the idea, once I got into the workplace, that it's better to go in sick and be sent home, then to call in sick.  "Because at least they can see you've tried."

Today, all of that game playing seems another kind of releasing of responsibility.  THEY get to tell us when we're sick enough to stay home.  THEY get to say working at a sub par speed for five days is better than taking one day off and working up to speed for the other four.  Maybe we all prefer to be victims, martyrs, submissive to THEY.

And yes, it's very easy for me to be philosophical about it in my position -- my clients are flexible, and if I don't accomplish my other responsibilities, I don't lose income or have to worry about feeding my children.

But from my perspective, it all comes down to this today.  (Or it still comes down to this.)  What is right for me?  For my body?  For my happiness?  Because I agonized for hours, even while bowed before the porcelain throne, whether to go to a client the next day.  Surely I would be better.  Surely it was more responsible to drag myself out into public, possibly infecting others, make myself do something because, hey, I wasn't really sick, I was just being lazy, right?  And looking back now, that just seems horribly terribly wrong. 

When I am healthy (and happy) I do the bookkeeping and the runes and the other things because I want to.  If I didn't want to, I wouldn't do it.  So, Lila, it's time to take even more responsibility.  When you're sick, which is difficult to admit in the first place, you'll heal much faster if you pay attention and focus on healing the problem, then if you play with guilt.

Of course, this also all ties into the mind over matter body issues; chemical versus emotional also plays into health versus illness.  So much to practice.  To stand up to.  To stand up for.

Speaking of, I don't expect I'll actually be doing a rune reading today.  I don't quite have the focus I'd like.  But I hope to read tomorrow and thus post on Monday.  We'll see what the body allows.

I hope you're having a great (and healthy!) day.

-Lila

12313 - Ehwaz

Can you identify all of your symbiotic relationships?  Some may surprise you.  What are you giving & what are you receiving?  Which ones make you happy?


*******************

The symbiotic relationship I most often neglect is the one with my body.  For many long years, I charged down the "mind over matter" road, sure my body would do what I asked, no matter it's condition or training.  Since I practiced before I asked it to do musical theater, and never ever demanded it to do marathons, we got along pretty well.  Sure, I was dramatic, but, hey! musical theater.  And I chalked my erratic mood swings up to empathy.

But eventually I realized some of my actions/ reactions/ Involuntary habits were due to chemicals, and not to emotional or mental flow.  In fact, the chemical could influence the emotional and mental.  Talk about being brought down a peg.  It just didn't seem right.  I accepted the brain sent electrical currents (and that just proved the mind was the most powerful muscle).  I figured out my beliefs on the soul, its purpose, it's separation from the body.  Heck, I had astrology to explain a lot of my behavior!

So to realize something as simple as food could have a major effect on me was very disturbing.  Caffeine, okay.  Alcohol, yes.  Tobacco, whatever.  Drugs... well, duh, that's why they're illegal.  Sugar only affected children of course.  But food...

Food was only about calories and taste.  Vitamins were for bones (and hair!).  There was no way they could have an effect on my body.  Much less all the other chemicals no one had even invented yet!

I still forget that I can be brought low by a lack of lunch.  And it can get pretty obvious when I forget my herbals.

So awareness of body is my theme for yesterday's reading.  To remember.  To care for.  To pamper a bit.  Because even if cloning becomes viable, I don't want it.  When this body is done, I'm done.  And I'm not done yet.

Therefore, I gots to take care of my body, so it can get me where I want to go.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

December 2013

(as seen in Spirit Wise newsletter)

The rune for December is Berkano.  Berkana, beorc, Birca

Berkano is the rune of nurturing, of providing warmth and comfort and safety.  Berkano is also the rune of growth; of leaving the nest when the time is come.  

December is still part of the dark times, a time when we naturallly go into ourselves and tidy up, make resolutions, make plans for the future.  December is also a time to rest from the work and prepare for the party.  

And for December, Berkano is pointing from past to future.

We have been doing a lot of introspection already, in these past months, as we have worked and focused and harvested and balanced.  So, if we focus a little more on the celebration and a little less on the introspection, that is fine.  All the work we've done in the past is going to nurture and shelter us now.  There may be moments where our truths require us to step up and step out, but for the main, let it flow.  Let it be easy and joyful.  Berkano will carry us through.

Berkano.  Earth Mother.  Let this dark time nurture us, so we can celebrate with our whole selves when the light returns.

I hope you have a great month.

-Lila

113013 - FehuR

Today is a good day to focus less on how your income flows in and more on how you use it to make yourself happy.

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For me, Fehu this time was less about the actual financial income than it was about the energy. The difference in the feel of energy when I purchase something for myself versus the feel when I allow someone else to purchase it for me.  Specifically, this weekend, it seemed to be about food.

Food is essential.  One of the "Basic Needs".  Food is very symbolic: breaking bread; the bread winner; bringing home the bacon; the hunter.  So when someone pays for another's meal, it is, in effect, receiving the food from the payer's hand.

I was one of those persons who insisted on paying for everyone, if possible.  Often  I felt this made up for not remembering birthdays or other holidays.  So the intention was truly to gift.  But... when someone receives a gift they do not want, it can feel more like a burden or an obligation.  And, in the case of allowing someone to purchase food for you, it can feel like giving away your power.

As I have been required to keep a closer eye on my finances (and have turned from financial gifts to energetic ones), so it is time to start looking at how I feel about receiving certain gifts.  When I go out with someone, am I happier paying for half, allowing them to pay for the whole meal, or each paying for their specific expenses?  Does it depend on the person, on the circumstances, on my mood?  Does it need to be spelled out beforehand, if only to myself?  What is going to make me happy?  Because eating food someone else provided while resenting that they provided it makes the meal sour.

Maybe part of it is being in tune with how the other person feels about purchasing/ receiving.  Is it an expectation, based on past practices, and thus feels more like an obligation and less like a gift?  Are they truly giving, or just doing what has become, in effect, their job?

I haven't quite worked it out yet.  Even now, a few days later.  I think I'd forgotten how symbolic food really is.  Something to continue pondering.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila