12413 - ThurisazR

You may fear your shields are down.  Just pay attention; you will be fine.

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Blech.

And hello, after, what? 3, 4 days?

Physically,  my shields were down.  I was virally attacked and I did not enjoy it at all.

In the past, having a cold was a cue to take some down time.  And guilt played a big part of the vicious cycle which went something like this.

I start feeling tired.  I don't want to do things.  But, work ethic and guilt and "good girl" syndrome kick in and start yelling at me, so I go do things.  Then I do get sick.  But is it really sick enough to take the day off?  To not go to school or work?  To lounge around in bed all day and sleep?  (oh wonderful sleep?)  Is it sick enough to eat bland things and drink wimpy teas?  Or am I just being lazy?  Do I just want a day without responsibility?  Guilt, exhaustion, guilt, exhaustion.  Until I finally do call in sick, because doing that was less fearful than being ill at school or work.

Of course, in grade school, I had an adult to make the decision for me.  And as an adult, I followed the rules of "if you're sick enough to stay home from work, you're sick enough to stay home from everything else."  (this actually backfired once.)  There was also the idea, once I got into the workplace, that it's better to go in sick and be sent home, then to call in sick.  "Because at least they can see you've tried."

Today, all of that game playing seems another kind of releasing of responsibility.  THEY get to tell us when we're sick enough to stay home.  THEY get to say working at a sub par speed for five days is better than taking one day off and working up to speed for the other four.  Maybe we all prefer to be victims, martyrs, submissive to THEY.

And yes, it's very easy for me to be philosophical about it in my position -- my clients are flexible, and if I don't accomplish my other responsibilities, I don't lose income or have to worry about feeding my children.

But from my perspective, it all comes down to this today.  (Or it still comes down to this.)  What is right for me?  For my body?  For my happiness?  Because I agonized for hours, even while bowed before the porcelain throne, whether to go to a client the next day.  Surely I would be better.  Surely it was more responsible to drag myself out into public, possibly infecting others, make myself do something because, hey, I wasn't really sick, I was just being lazy, right?  And looking back now, that just seems horribly terribly wrong. 

When I am healthy (and happy) I do the bookkeeping and the runes and the other things because I want to.  If I didn't want to, I wouldn't do it.  So, Lila, it's time to take even more responsibility.  When you're sick, which is difficult to admit in the first place, you'll heal much faster if you pay attention and focus on healing the problem, then if you play with guilt.

Of course, this also all ties into the mind over matter body issues; chemical versus emotional also plays into health versus illness.  So much to practice.  To stand up to.  To stand up for.

Speaking of, I don't expect I'll actually be doing a rune reading today.  I don't quite have the focus I'd like.  But I hope to read tomorrow and thus post on Monday.  We'll see what the body allows.

I hope you're having a great (and healthy!) day.

-Lila

12313 - Ehwaz

Can you identify all of your symbiotic relationships?  Some may surprise you.  What are you giving & what are you receiving?  Which ones make you happy?


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The symbiotic relationship I most often neglect is the one with my body.  For many long years, I charged down the "mind over matter" road, sure my body would do what I asked, no matter it's condition or training.  Since I practiced before I asked it to do musical theater, and never ever demanded it to do marathons, we got along pretty well.  Sure, I was dramatic, but, hey! musical theater.  And I chalked my erratic mood swings up to empathy.

But eventually I realized some of my actions/ reactions/ Involuntary habits were due to chemicals, and not to emotional or mental flow.  In fact, the chemical could influence the emotional and mental.  Talk about being brought down a peg.  It just didn't seem right.  I accepted the brain sent electrical currents (and that just proved the mind was the most powerful muscle).  I figured out my beliefs on the soul, its purpose, it's separation from the body.  Heck, I had astrology to explain a lot of my behavior!

So to realize something as simple as food could have a major effect on me was very disturbing.  Caffeine, okay.  Alcohol, yes.  Tobacco, whatever.  Drugs... well, duh, that's why they're illegal.  Sugar only affected children of course.  But food...

Food was only about calories and taste.  Vitamins were for bones (and hair!).  There was no way they could have an effect on my body.  Much less all the other chemicals no one had even invented yet!

I still forget that I can be brought low by a lack of lunch.  And it can get pretty obvious when I forget my herbals.

So awareness of body is my theme for yesterday's reading.  To remember.  To care for.  To pamper a bit.  Because even if cloning becomes viable, I don't want it.  When this body is done, I'm done.  And I'm not done yet.

Therefore, I gots to take care of my body, so it can get me where I want to go.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila