LIR 22314 - BerkanoR

It may feel like there's a lack of nurturing today.  Is it a push to keep you moving & working?  Or is it a request for more self-care?  Your truth, your choice.

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Actually, for me, it turned out to be both.

Just after the rune reading, I received an invitation to lunch.  But I'd already planned to do an hour's worth of work - well, two hours' actually.  Working on that routine thing.  But of course it was tempting to chuck it all and go to lunch.  However, with a little help from my friend, I was able to get my planned arithmetic work finished.  Yay!

Then, later, I had a very hard time breathing.  It turns out my bra was restricting (constricting) my airways.  ??!!!!??  It felt like it fit just fine, but, after lugging a box or two upstairs, I started having difficulty with the breathing, felt light headed, etc.  So, I spent the rest of the day nurturing myself.  And this was nurturing my physical self - who needed to go to bed, as opposed to my mental self - who would have preferred to watch tv or read.

Why is it so difficult to find a good bra?

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LIR 22414 - Wunjo

The clan may be gathering around you, physically or energetically.

How would you call them together?  What symbol or flag would represent them?  And does that symbol align with your truths?

I hope you have a great day!
-Lila

12114 - RaidoR, BerkanoR

There may not be forward movement today, but that doesn't mean take a day off.  Keep engaged in your goals.  Housekeeping is productive too.

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Hello.  Since the reading 12014 was basically "go forth and keep doing", I didn't feel there was much interpretive comparison to discuss.  So, we're starting with yesterday's reading, posted above.

This reading kept me going, at least into the evening.  And it was difficult; yesterday was a cranky day, and not just for me.  But moving, doing, putting one foot in front of the other, helped me feel pretty proud today.

In fact, I would say perhaps the reading wasn't totally accurate.  Because I kept working, moving, and literally doing housework, I actually garnered some energy and made some progress on my next "Meandering" blog.  So, to me, there was movement -- though I imagine one could argue whether the revision of a written piece is actually movement, or if the only movement comes from the posting/ publishing.  Shrug.  My perspective says it doesn't matter.  Energy put in is what's important.

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LIR 12214 Eihwaz (Off in Fire)

Why is this happening?  Maybe you're the energetic bridge between two disparate worlds.  Is this a happy thing, in your truth, or a frustrating one?  You choose - to continue, or to cut it off.

I hope you have a great day!
-Lila

121513 BerkanoR, AnsazR

Double check your information, especially in the financial or physical area.

And yes, once more, no coddling.  

Together, this means, don't push yourself beyond your limits.  Listen to your body.  Can you do more with ease and competence?

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Yeah.  That was a little convoluted.

Trying to cover all the bases for all the people, I imagine.

Well, for me, the communication issues yesterday were extremely convoluted.

It started with an unexpected outburst.  I said something forceful to someone else, and sent myself into a journey of self exploration.  Yippee, she says softly and with little enthusiasm.

I do not have a history of speaking forcefully, so once I recovered from my shock and amazement, and processed the reaction of the person I'd been speaking to, my impulse was to go apologize.

I didn't.

In the first place, I had no idea why I snapped.  (Still don't.)  So making an apology was meaningless.  Insincere.  It would only be a "oh, don't hate me!"

I replayed and replayed the incident (except for the actual words, which I can no longer remember.)  And every rewording or long drawn out, carefully explained non-apology sounded, well, weak.  Wrong.  Devaluing.  The only relevant apology would be for being myself.  And, as I accept myself, there is no need to apologize.

Eventually, I came around to this conclusion.  I have to trust myself.  I have to honor myself.  I go on and on about speaking from our truths.  What if what I said, or the way I said it, was something that needed to be said or done?  From my truth and for hers?   What if what I said was the kindest, or most healing, thing that could be said?

So.  This left me with an interesting emotional cloud to wallow in.  Who knew NOT apologizing took such strength?

I knew the best thing for me to do was to meditate.  Settle myself down.  Look in deep and make sure I was moving froward from a, well, "happy" place, and not a grudging one.

Instead, I wallowed, a martyr to trauma.  I ate chocolate and watched videos until late in the night.  Perhaps punishing myself with unwanted calories.  Shrug.  Perhaps deliberately not doing what I needed.  Or perhaps my brain thought it had had enough trauma for one day and feared the self introspection of meditation.  Silly brain.

So, I coddled myself instead of healed and soothed, due to an interesting, still not quite understood communication.  And even know I haven't meditated.  I have done a long of busy work, cleaned up & sorted.  But the spiritual has taken a back road.

Interestingly enough, the internet went down also yesterday.  Talk about communication issues.

There was no reading today (see the busy work paragraph) and tomorrow is the full  moon.  But I'll be back in touch with you soon.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

121313 BerkanoR

Today is a day of doing what needs to be done.  No cushioning, no safety net.  No coddling.

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This past day, BerkanoR nudged me into productivity.

Yesterday, I planned to practice clothes shopping some more.  I scheduled a familiar store for the morning, and then lunch, and then a strip mall for the afternoon.  And yes, this is during the holiday season, but I thought I was safe because it wasn't a weekend.  And I was going to celebrate the practice with a gourmet cupcake.  

I did very well at the familiar store.  I tried things on.  I explored different brands and different sizes and I didn't try and talk  myself into sticking with a size 18 when it felt too tight.  Granted, my body shape will shape up (or would that be down?) but for now, I must accept myself as I am.  And, even more difficult, I didn't buy something just because it fit. If I don't like something, I'm not going to wear it, which will pile guilt on top of the remembered frustration of shopping.

So, when I left the store, I was not depressed or frustrated.  (Or not much anyway.)  I was much better off than a year ago.

But, it was hard to be so crowded.  And it's not just the people, but all the clothes crammed into such a small space.  I was grateful to be out of the store.

Next I went to lunch with my warrior friend.  And we had one of those conversations where, by the end, you just need to sit and stare at a blank wall to fully absorb all the truths.  Between that and the lateness of the hour and other personal events, I decided to save the strip mall for another day.  Which meant, no gourmet cupcake.

Previously, I would be so very put out by the change in plans.  i would either berate myself for avoiding the mall; or I would  make it a full out sloth day and watch television and buy something sweet to make up for the treat I missed.  

Happily, I remembered, first, that I still needed to do the daily rune reading.  So, I did a fast one.  And there was BerkanoR, telling me to get my act together and quit moping.  So instead of slothing, I did some bookkeeping.  And then some writing.  And, of course, some posting.  (I did stop to have dinner, cooked by my husband.  So, I did get a treat after all.)

And this morning, the productivity continued.  It was, in fact, a very productive day on, I think, all 4 of my branches.  (Reading, Riting, Rithmatic & Ruminating.) 

Amusingly, the reading today was again BerkanoR.  So, still moving right along.  Let's see how much more I can get done before the Full Moon.  And this does make me happy.  Productivity is still addictive.  And I love what I do.  So bring it on, Berkano!

I hope you have a great day.

-Lila

111013 - KunosR, BerkanoR

It may feel like there are no choices, or like it's difficult to make one.  So, just do.  Step forward.  And move on.  The only approval you need is your own.

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Let's talk about levels, shall we?

This reading was about projects, for me.  On two levels.

The first, I'm doing that wonderful budgeting thing, which required me to get all my financial information in one place.  (I switched bookkeeping methods halfway through the year because I like the way Quickbooks does bank reconciliations.)  Of course, I thought this would be a relatively easy process, being as I love numbers and playing with spreadsheets.  
Half way through the day and I'm not even half way through the project... I can either quit or keep going.  But (she shrugs) there is no other way to get the information together the way I want it.  Therefore, through is the only way out.

Concurrently, a project was underway in the household to fix a leaking shower.  One of THOSE projects, where one starts with expectations of replacing a difficult to reach washer and ends up tearing a hole in the wall to replace a broken pipe.  (Happily, the person doing the actual work was able to DO the actual work.)  
But, halfway through the day, in the middle of the project, I can imagine there was a moment of "well, I can either quit, or keep going." My bladder and my greasy hair are thankful he kept going!

And as I was washing my hair (not in the just repaired, the caulk must dry shower, thank you) I wondered... are all projects like that?  You start with an expectation of fulfilling an idea and then you end up in the middle of this big mess and the only way to get anything done is to keep going?  From yard projects to planning events to city construction to country laws.  Things that sound great in the idea stage can become unwieldy half way through.

But the only way to make it through and make improvements is to start and see what works and what doesn't.

So. 

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

102113 - BerkanoR in water, IngwazR in Earth

Today looks to be a good day to step back emotionally.  Feed the work in progress & release expectations.  It will bloom.

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Mostly I interpreted this, for me, as another "one step at a time" reading.  Focus on the work, not on the future gains from the work.

The emotional distance advice did apply today.  I did a house cleansing, and finished it with a song.  I feel buildings hold emotional vibrations, and the energies linger because they get stuck in grooves, like water creating the Grand Canyon.  I also anthropomorphize everything -- though houses are harder for me to get a sense of.  Perhaps because of who serves whom.  But that's a meander for another day.

So, though the cleansing was for the comfort of those living within the house, it was also for the house itself.  The intent of the song was to give the house a space of time to remember, a tool to help it retain that "shower fresh" feeling.  The song I chose was "The Song Remembers When" by Trisha Yearwood.  I think it's an excellent song, if you listen just right, for fond recollection, and for taking a moment.

However, it is a favorite of mine for recollection, and it can be a very emotional song.  So today I got to practice keeping my personal connection out of the work - a first for me & singing.  Usually, the aim in singing is to convey the emotion (the level of conveyance being dependant upon the karaoke crowd.)  I did actually visualize myself stepping back, when the tears started to well up, and am satisfied with the result.  It probably helped that I was at the end of the cleansing, instead of the beginning.

Even rune readings, now I think about it, require a bit of emotional distance, especially if one is reading for someone one knows.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila