Double check your information, especially in the financial or physical area.
And yes, once more, no coddling.
Together, this means, don't push yourself beyond your limits. Listen to your body. Can you do more with ease and competence?
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Yeah. That was a little convoluted.
Trying to cover all the bases for all the people, I imagine.
Well, for me, the communication issues yesterday were extremely convoluted.
It started with an unexpected outburst. I said something forceful to someone else, and sent myself into a journey of self exploration. Yippee, she says softly and with little enthusiasm.
I do not have a history of speaking forcefully, so once I recovered from my shock and amazement, and processed the reaction of the person I'd been speaking to, my impulse was to go apologize.
I didn't.
In the first place, I had no idea why I snapped. (Still don't.) So making an apology was meaningless. Insincere. It would only be a "oh, don't hate me!"
I replayed and replayed the incident (except for the actual words, which I can no longer remember.) And every rewording or long drawn out, carefully explained non-apology sounded, well, weak. Wrong. Devaluing. The only relevant apology would be for being myself. And, as I accept myself, there is no need to apologize.
Eventually, I came around to this conclusion. I have to trust myself. I have to honor myself. I go on and on about speaking from our truths. What if what I said, or the way I said it, was something that needed to be said or done? From my truth and for hers? What if what I said was the kindest, or most healing, thing that could be said?
So. This left me with an interesting emotional cloud to wallow in. Who knew NOT apologizing took such strength?
I knew the best thing for me to do was to meditate. Settle myself down. Look in deep and make sure I was moving froward from a, well, "happy" place, and not a grudging one.
Instead, I wallowed, a martyr to trauma. I ate chocolate and watched videos until late in the night. Perhaps punishing myself with unwanted calories. Shrug. Perhaps deliberately not doing what I needed. Or perhaps my brain thought it had had enough trauma for one day and feared the self introspection of meditation. Silly brain.
So, I coddled myself instead of healed and soothed, due to an interesting, still not quite understood communication. And even know I haven't meditated. I have done a long of busy work, cleaned up & sorted. But the spiritual has taken a back road.
Interestingly enough, the internet went down also yesterday. Talk about communication issues.
There was no reading today (see the busy work paragraph) and tomorrow is the full moon. But I'll be back in touch with you soon.
I hope you have a great day!
-Lila
Today is a day of doing what needs to be done. No cushioning, no safety net. No coddling.
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This past day, BerkanoR nudged me into productivity.
Yesterday, I planned to practice clothes shopping some more. I scheduled a familiar store for the morning, and then lunch, and then a strip mall for the afternoon. And yes, this is during the holiday season, but I thought I was safe because it wasn't a weekend. And I was going to celebrate the practice with a gourmet cupcake.
I did very well at the familiar store. I tried things on. I explored different brands and different sizes and I didn't try and talk myself into sticking with a size 18 when it felt too tight. Granted, my body shape will shape up (or would that be down?) but for now, I must accept myself as I am. And, even more difficult, I didn't buy something just because it fit. If I don't like something, I'm not going to wear it, which will pile guilt on top of the remembered frustration of shopping.
So, when I left the store, I was not depressed or frustrated. (Or not much anyway.) I was much better off than a year ago.
But, it was hard to be so crowded. And it's not just the people, but all the clothes crammed into such a small space. I was grateful to be out of the store.
Next I went to lunch with my warrior friend. And we had one of those conversations where, by the end, you just need to sit and stare at a blank wall to fully absorb all the truths. Between that and the lateness of the hour and other personal events, I decided to save the strip mall for another day. Which meant, no gourmet cupcake.
Previously, I would be so very put out by the change in plans. i would either berate myself for avoiding the mall; or I would make it a full out sloth day and watch television and buy something sweet to make up for the treat I missed.
Happily, I remembered, first, that I still needed to do the daily rune reading. So, I did a fast one. And there was BerkanoR, telling me to get my act together and quit moping. So instead of slothing, I did some bookkeeping. And then some writing. And, of course, some posting. (I did stop to have dinner, cooked by my husband. So, I did get a treat after all.)
And this morning, the productivity continued. It was, in fact, a very productive day on, I think, all 4 of my branches. (Reading, Riting, Rithmatic & Ruminating.)
Amusingly, the reading today was again BerkanoR. So, still moving right along. Let's see how much more I can get done before the Full Moon. And this does make me happy. Productivity is still addictive. And I love what I do. So bring it on, Berkano!
I hope you have a great day.
-Lila
