122413 Berkano

Today's nurturing includes the energy of others, whether you are nurturing them or receiving nourishment from them.  Deep breath, and you decide what feels best in each situation.

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Ah.  This one came as a big surprise to me.  This last year being difficult for many people, I have become accustomed to relying mostly on myself.  To not turning to anyone.  I have been practicing asking for help, but...   And, as I imagine is happening with many people, though things are slowly improving, this past week has been one of major upheaval.

I was having a break down (and trying to sing through it), when my person came in and gave me exactly what I needed, a hug.  Scarily, this nurturing did NOT stop the meltdown, it facilitated it and out poured all sorts of words, describing feelings I would never have thought I was having.

And I'll be honest.  I did start the break down with the thought, knowledge that I needed some outside assistance (cuz the rune said so), and I was working on feeling the spiritual support (when I wasn't singing angry woman music.)  Having the physical support was astounding and today I realize something.  (Here's the kick in the pants part of the nurturing...)

I've gotten a little too used to the difficult status quo.  My responses and patterns are still based on the protective posture I've been practicing.  Frankly, I'm still getting used to the idea that I have the right and responsibility to protect myself, to stand up for myself, to do for myself.

But now, things are improving.  And there are people I can turn to, and people I can let in.  Today is not yesterday, every moment is new, every situation is a death and a birth.  And if I don't want to be alone, then I need to put a window in the protective walls and see who's out there helping me.

So Thanks, Berkano, and person, for the support and the subsequent learning experience (yes, slight sarcasm).  Thanks for helping me reach one of the sore spots, thanks for helping see the positive side, eventually.  And "Thank you for the music" (Abba), especially the song "Piece of Sky" from Yentl.  

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Reading for 122713  FehuR, AnsazR

It may feel difficult today to get your ideas to flow into the productivity stage.  Two options:  change your focus (go AROUND the block), or chuck it for the day (go for coffee.)

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

102213 - Uraz in Spirit

Today we have the opportunity to support others, to encourage someone in finding her/his truth.  Let's show 'em how it's done!

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Blech.  I sort of hope no one was watching!

Sometimes I get wrapped up in being supportive, and end up smothering people with "availability" and advice.  Other times, I hold so hard to NOT smothering, to waiting to be asked for help, I don't actually see the request.  And of course there's the times I am frantically trying not to be smothered by requests, real or imagined.

And then there are the times I second guess every thing I've done for the day because I'm not sure I did what I needed to do, so replaying it lends, I don't know, backward energy?  Not as productive as one could hope.

So, here is me, showing me how it's done.

If I were talking to anyone else, I would ask, "Did your actions cause harm?  Were your intentions less than honorable (by your standards?)  If yes, do what you need to do to fix it.  If no, then okay.
Now step back and breath.  It's over.  It's done.  You did better this time than last, correct?  And you'll do better next time.  It's all a learning process.  When you get this part right, you'll find something new to fret about.  So stop!"

"Better" means actions I am less likely to judge myself for.  Against?  Next time, I'll feel better about my actions.  I will second guess myself less because I'll be more certain they are the actions I can support.  I will act more from my truth, my foundation.  Each time, I do get better.

So I am stepping back.  And breathing.  And further more, I am going to do something (work on a story) that makes me feel positive and productive.

I may find something new to fret about.  Something new with which to test my worthiness.  I'm a human.  But I'll also handle it better, because of everything I did today.

I hope you had a great day!

-Lila