122813 Ehwaz

Transformation does not mean everything must change; nor must all be lost.  Comfortable habits from the past can facilitate relationships in the future.

***************************************************

I for one am grateful for these words...  because things are changing so quickly it seems.  I realize it is simply the culmination of the change -- the birth happens suddenly, but one does prepare for 9 months prior -- but still, this last week has felt like a house dropping on my head.

So it is reassuring to know that though relationships change, they need not dissolve altogether.  Acceptance and non-judgement.  And yes, using old habits, ways of working together, to ease into the new form the relationship has taken.  Which is excellent, because we all change, and thus our relationships must change also.

More comfortable for me to talk about right now is my renewed interest in singing.  It's never been totally dormant, but it has, mostly, lain fallow (unless you count in the car going "65 I swear, officer" down the highway.  Belting is a requirement at that speed.)  Suddenly, I am exploring vocal warm ups on You Tube (Eric Arceneaux), paying attention to my support (mostly), and trying to find my classical voice.  As I used to take voice lessons, many of proper singings tools are comfortable old habits.  Rusty, but comfortable.  Like putting on the prom dress and realizing you just need to iron it out and make adjustment to one seam.

An uncomfortable habit is videotaping myself to see what I really need to work on.  My voice teacher used to record me on tape; I never like the sound of my recorded voice.

I was happily surprised to realize I wasn't horrified by the video tape.  I am unable to say I was awesome, because, I really don't know.  But I was decent.  I didn't cringe away from my voice or even from watching myself.  And now I know a lot of things I need to work on.  Work-on-able things.  So somewhere I developed the habit of being able to critique myself in a positive fashion.  Yay me!

Of course, I have no desire for singing to replace any of my other loves (reading, riting, rithmatic or rumination!) so I hope this transformation means my skills have developed enough to fit something new into the mix.

**************************************

122913 nothing at all (seriously, no rune wanted to be pulled.  The universe was busy *G*.)

123013 DagazR:  Today is a day to keep moving ahead, no judgements or analysis.  One step in front of the other, slow and steady, with a deep breath in between.  Make sure each step is finished before you move on, but don't stop to critique.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

122713 FehuR, AnsazR

It may feel difficult today to get your ideas to flow into the productivity stage.  Two 
options:  change your focus (go AROUND the block), or chuck it for the day (go for coffee.)

*****************************************
And so we see how pride goeth before a humble admission of being just like everyone else.

Ansaz is a communication stone, and it may not be evident in the post above, but in my head yesterday's reading was about communication.  Maybe it was so just for me.  Anyway.  I found it amusing because, well, I consider the posting of the rune readings to be communication.  Just reading the runes is communication.  So, I'm posting that the ideas (interpretation of the rune) may have difficulty getting to the productivity stage (actual posting of said interpretation.)  Nya nya, not for me.  Lalalalalalalala.

(Side note - I pulled an Ogham card yesterday which spoke of free expression.  Share your ideas!  Ha!  Ogham trumps Rune.)

So I did my rune readings, I sent some emails, I sang some, I talked to my person.  Very very productive day.  Except.

Except.

One of my goals yesterday was to get to the personal bookkeeping, and part of the bookkeeping means going through the emails to check for bills and payments, etc.  And I knew there was an email in that category I really needed to answer (or at least acknowledge.)

Every time I sat down, something else popped up.  I tried 3 or 4 times.  And finally, at the end of the day, I realized this was my production block.  Each different approach had failed.  So, I raised my eyebrows at my computer, and did the equivalent of going out for coffee.

I really do hope I get to them today.

***********************************************************
122813 Ehwaz

Transformation does not mean everything must change; nor must all be lost.  Comfortable habits from the past can facilitate relationships in the future.

I hope you  have a great day!

122413 Berkano

Today's nurturing includes the energy of others, whether you are nurturing them or receiving nourishment from them.  Deep breath, and you decide what feels best in each situation.

**********************

Ah.  This one came as a big surprise to me.  This last year being difficult for many people, I have become accustomed to relying mostly on myself.  To not turning to anyone.  I have been practicing asking for help, but...   And, as I imagine is happening with many people, though things are slowly improving, this past week has been one of major upheaval.

I was having a break down (and trying to sing through it), when my person came in and gave me exactly what I needed, a hug.  Scarily, this nurturing did NOT stop the meltdown, it facilitated it and out poured all sorts of words, describing feelings I would never have thought I was having.

And I'll be honest.  I did start the break down with the thought, knowledge that I needed some outside assistance (cuz the rune said so), and I was working on feeling the spiritual support (when I wasn't singing angry woman music.)  Having the physical support was astounding and today I realize something.  (Here's the kick in the pants part of the nurturing...)

I've gotten a little too used to the difficult status quo.  My responses and patterns are still based on the protective posture I've been practicing.  Frankly, I'm still getting used to the idea that I have the right and responsibility to protect myself, to stand up for myself, to do for myself.

But now, things are improving.  And there are people I can turn to, and people I can let in.  Today is not yesterday, every moment is new, every situation is a death and a birth.  And if I don't want to be alone, then I need to put a window in the protective walls and see who's out there helping me.

So Thanks, Berkano, and person, for the support and the subsequent learning experience (yes, slight sarcasm).  Thanks for helping me reach one of the sore spots, thanks for helping see the positive side, eventually.  And "Thank you for the music" (Abba), especially the song "Piece of Sky" from Yentl.  

***************************

Reading for 122713  FehuR, AnsazR

It may feel difficult today to get your ideas to flow into the productivity stage.  Two options:  change your focus (go AROUND the block), or chuck it for the day (go for coffee.)

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

122313 Ingwaz

An idea or project you (we) have been feeding (and have possibly given up on) will show signs of growth today.  Yay us!

*********************

I honestly have no idea about this one.  Possibilities: I increased my internet presence a little yesterday (Skype, Linkdin (or whatever), edited some of this website).  Today, I have no clue if any of that is relevant.  So I will believe that something I did watered the blossom that sprouted.  Or added more fuel for future blossoming.  Maybe it was in my meditations, my interactions with others.  Feeding the squirrels.  I do not know.  *wry grin*

***********************************

122413 Berkano

Today's nurturing includes the energy of others, whether you are nurturing them or receiving nourishment from them.  Deep breath, and you decide what feels best in each situation.

I hope you have a great day!

122213 DagazR off water

The driving force today is the hope, or fear, you are acting without fully analyzing, especially in emotional areas.

***********************

This past day was another transformation for me in the area of emotion.  This, combined with an Ogham reading I did, indicated I was to lead with my heart.

I took that to mean communicating (or acting) without second guessing and without editing.  So when it came time to communicate in an emotional area, I did it as a (to me) jumble of words.

And I am grateful that I did that, that I spoke freely.  Otherwise, my second guessing would be based on an analytical perspective instead of a heartfelt one.  One can always second guess the analysis.  But when one speaks from the heart, pours out their truth, there's nothing really to second guess.

**********
122313 - Ingwaz
An idea or project you (or we) have been feeding (and have possibly given up on) will show signs of growth today.  Yay us!

I hope you're having a great day!

-Lila

121813 JeraR

It may feel like you're not receiving the equivalent of the energy you put out, particularly in communications.  Remember, the harvest isn't all in yet.  Tomorrow is another day.

**********************

Communications wise, I can see how this applied to a friend, yesterday.  His perception led him to expect the conversation to go one way, when it didn't go anywhere at all.

For me personally, yesterday was much more about the physical harvest as relates to health.  It seems I put a lot of time and energy into thinking about my health and my body in general, and yet haven't received the results I expected.  Like taking medication and not having it work the way I hoped.

Was the seed not planted soon enough (ie: the meds not taken in a timely fashion)?  Have i not waited a long enough time?  Is more care required?

Well, like I said, today is another day.

I hope you're having a great one!

-Lila

121513 BerkanoR, AnsazR

Double check your information, especially in the financial or physical area.

And yes, once more, no coddling.  

Together, this means, don't push yourself beyond your limits.  Listen to your body.  Can you do more with ease and competence?

***************

Yeah.  That was a little convoluted.

Trying to cover all the bases for all the people, I imagine.

Well, for me, the communication issues yesterday were extremely convoluted.

It started with an unexpected outburst.  I said something forceful to someone else, and sent myself into a journey of self exploration.  Yippee, she says softly and with little enthusiasm.

I do not have a history of speaking forcefully, so once I recovered from my shock and amazement, and processed the reaction of the person I'd been speaking to, my impulse was to go apologize.

I didn't.

In the first place, I had no idea why I snapped.  (Still don't.)  So making an apology was meaningless.  Insincere.  It would only be a "oh, don't hate me!"

I replayed and replayed the incident (except for the actual words, which I can no longer remember.)  And every rewording or long drawn out, carefully explained non-apology sounded, well, weak.  Wrong.  Devaluing.  The only relevant apology would be for being myself.  And, as I accept myself, there is no need to apologize.

Eventually, I came around to this conclusion.  I have to trust myself.  I have to honor myself.  I go on and on about speaking from our truths.  What if what I said, or the way I said it, was something that needed to be said or done?  From my truth and for hers?   What if what I said was the kindest, or most healing, thing that could be said?

So.  This left me with an interesting emotional cloud to wallow in.  Who knew NOT apologizing took such strength?

I knew the best thing for me to do was to meditate.  Settle myself down.  Look in deep and make sure I was moving froward from a, well, "happy" place, and not a grudging one.

Instead, I wallowed, a martyr to trauma.  I ate chocolate and watched videos until late in the night.  Perhaps punishing myself with unwanted calories.  Shrug.  Perhaps deliberately not doing what I needed.  Or perhaps my brain thought it had had enough trauma for one day and feared the self introspection of meditation.  Silly brain.

So, I coddled myself instead of healed and soothed, due to an interesting, still not quite understood communication.  And even know I haven't meditated.  I have done a long of busy work, cleaned up & sorted.  But the spiritual has taken a back road.

Interestingly enough, the internet went down also yesterday.  Talk about communication issues.

There was no reading today (see the busy work paragraph) and tomorrow is the full  moon.  But I'll be back in touch with you soon.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

121313 BerkanoR

Today is a day of doing what needs to be done.  No cushioning, no safety net.  No coddling.

*******************************

This past day, BerkanoR nudged me into productivity.

Yesterday, I planned to practice clothes shopping some more.  I scheduled a familiar store for the morning, and then lunch, and then a strip mall for the afternoon.  And yes, this is during the holiday season, but I thought I was safe because it wasn't a weekend.  And I was going to celebrate the practice with a gourmet cupcake.  

I did very well at the familiar store.  I tried things on.  I explored different brands and different sizes and I didn't try and talk  myself into sticking with a size 18 when it felt too tight.  Granted, my body shape will shape up (or would that be down?) but for now, I must accept myself as I am.  And, even more difficult, I didn't buy something just because it fit. If I don't like something, I'm not going to wear it, which will pile guilt on top of the remembered frustration of shopping.

So, when I left the store, I was not depressed or frustrated.  (Or not much anyway.)  I was much better off than a year ago.

But, it was hard to be so crowded.  And it's not just the people, but all the clothes crammed into such a small space.  I was grateful to be out of the store.

Next I went to lunch with my warrior friend.  And we had one of those conversations where, by the end, you just need to sit and stare at a blank wall to fully absorb all the truths.  Between that and the lateness of the hour and other personal events, I decided to save the strip mall for another day.  Which meant, no gourmet cupcake.

Previously, I would be so very put out by the change in plans.  i would either berate myself for avoiding the mall; or I would  make it a full out sloth day and watch television and buy something sweet to make up for the treat I missed.  

Happily, I remembered, first, that I still needed to do the daily rune reading.  So, I did a fast one.  And there was BerkanoR, telling me to get my act together and quit moping.  So instead of slothing, I did some bookkeeping.  And then some writing.  And, of course, some posting.  (I did stop to have dinner, cooked by my husband.  So, I did get a treat after all.)

And this morning, the productivity continued.  It was, in fact, a very productive day on, I think, all 4 of my branches.  (Reading, Riting, Rithmatic & Ruminating.) 

Amusingly, the reading today was again BerkanoR.  So, still moving right along.  Let's see how much more I can get done before the Full Moon.  And this does make me happy.  Productivity is still addictive.  And I love what I do.  So bring it on, Berkano!

I hope you have a great day.

-Lila

121213 - Odin's Rune (the Blank Rune)

The universe has no advice or key phrases today.  Just keep being you.  We hope you have a great day!

***************************

For myself, the actual video-taped reading was more accurate... and that is one of the problems with trying to sum up even a 1 rune reading.  On the other hand, there are different audiences for different media forms.  I believe that each person connects with the information she needs to receive at the proper time.

In the video, I talked about another reason for the Blank rune.  That some decisions haven't been made yet, so the Universe has no advice.

It makes me think of Minority Report, a movie based on a short story.  (I have seen the movie; I have not read the story (by Philip K. Dick), so I don't know if the backbone of the stories are the same.)  In Minority Report a person can get arrested and prosecuted for intending to commit a crime.  And the "recall" of the psychics is somehow taped and used as judicial evidence.

But, it is not only a woman's right, it is a HUMAN's right to change her mind.  How many times have you, mad as Medusa on a cold day, and righteously so, intended to wreak havoc upon your transgressors?  And yet they still live and breath and (other than that zit which you privately celebrated) continue to appear untraumatized?

It is a long, long trip from the moment of intention to the moment of action.  And we well know how a small thing can create a big change.  Heck, the Butterfly Effect is a movie also!

The future, the future is always always changing.  

So for me, and the utterly interesting past day, the Blank Rune had to have been about the effects of decisions that hadn't been made.    Which, in the end, comes down to the same thing it always does.

Be the best me I can be.  Breathe.  Stand in my truth.  Act (not react) from my truths.  Choose what I want to be a part of, and what I don't.  What makes me happy?

 Big or small, personal or global, within and without, above and below, it's all the same.  The things practiced for small events are the same moves for the big events.  And really, there is no such thing as a small event.  But that balances out by meaning there is no such thing as a big event.  Everything, every moment, every choice has the importance and value of that moment.  Then, it's over and time to move on to the next.

So, while the Blank Rune did portend a rash of interesting behavior from others, the "sum up" is still the same and it was what I remembered.  I kept being me.

And I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

121013 AnsazR

Communication may be interesting today.  Clarify, breathe, and start over if you need to.

*********************

Well, the amusing thing about that reading is -  I was doing the video recording, and I did, in fact, have to start over as I was unable to string words together coherently in the first take.

But the other way it applied to me this past day is through shopping.

Clothes shopping to be precise.

I am a bookkeeper because I love numbers.  And in bookkeeping (or any math, as far as I know), 1 equals 1 equals 1.  Always and forever.  Calculus may do all sorts of funky things to the number 1, or 2 or 47, but the number itself never loses its meaning.  1 is always 1.

Until you get to clothes.  (and shoes.)   First, you have to qualify what "age" group you're talking about.  A size 1 in infants is different from a 1 in toddlers which is different from a 1 in kids which is different from a size 1 in Juniors which is a different than the 1 in General which is different from a size 1 in Women's.  (And of course all of these are different from the male size 1.)

After you find the appropriate "age", you then get to explore different brands.  And yes, Merano's size 1 is different from Mossimo.  Vera Wang is different from Apt 9.  Wranglers is different from Levi's.  Or, since I was looking at underwear, Hanes is different from Fruit of the Loom which is different from Bali which is different from...

Now, let me share something really fun with you.  Just within one brand the sizes were different in different styles!  - the Med size for hipsters was NOT the same as the Med size for boy shorts.  Grrr.  ARRRGH.

So, my communication issues had to do with me trying to figure out the communication system of intimates.  And I did guess incorrectly.  I'll be taking them back and trying again.

Though probably not tomorrow.   I was so traumatized by the experience (she types with an eye roll, but she really means it) I never did get to today's rune reading.  So look for me not tomorrow.  (Unless you aren't reading this today.  Then tomorrow changes.  Unlike the numbers.)

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila  

12913 - Kunos & WunjoR

Kunos - Choices become more specific, possibly spiritual in nature.
WunjoR - communication with clan is spotty.
Today is a good day to double check our truths and our assumptions.

***************************************

The thing that most comes to mind about this reading and my experiences of the past day is: "the trouble with Divination."

Of course, the first down side to Divination is proving a negative.  How many accidents have we avoided, how many bitter paths have we missed, how many ill feelings have we escaped because we turned right instead of left?  Oh yeah?  Prove it.  

But the second down side is about focus:  If all you focus on is the event or situation, how can you know what else is possible?   

A member of my clan read me an astrological prediction for 2014 (obviously a general prediction, but Yay Leos!).  It was very encouraging, but now I find myself limiting the choices I'm considering so my bright and shiny future will fit into that reading.

And that's just silly.  I put a lot of work into a lot of things this year - emotional, personal, spiritual and business (al).  Any number of doors could be the way to fulfill my ultimate goal.  And the focus mentioned in the prediction can be a side benefit of many of those doors.  Why limit myself to just that narrow perception triggered by specific words?

"I see a tall dark stranger, and a tropical island."
      Immediate perception:   Ooh!  Captain Jack (a lot steadier on his feet, and wearing a tux) is going to walk into the grocery store one day and decide I need to sail away with him.
       Reality:  A brunette basketball player has to cancel her vacation because she's picked for an All Star team.  I'm idly shopping cruise sights and voila!  the tickets are available for the right time and right price and right place for me.  
       Danger:  That I pass up this opportunity because it didn't fit into the perception.   (And, let's be honest, if a stranger tried to sweep me up, I'd probably scream and beat him with my purse.  Especially if he looked like Captain Jack.  Too bad Legolas is blonde.)

The point is this.  Perception needs two eyes, one on the broad view and one on the narrow, allowing all sorts of possibilities.  The truth of today is not necessarily the truth of tomorrow because the focus changes every day.  I pick my path moment to moment; and while my past choices may limit my current choices, there's no need to narrow the future before it even happens.

I hope that made sense.

And I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

12813 - Berkano

Today we get to step up and try on that nurturing role - through comfort or gentle nudging.  Nurturing comes in all forms, so listen to your truth.

*********************************

The person I nurtured was myself.  And a lot of it was in the gentle nudging way, if by gentle nudging you mean re-enacting the scene in Mystery, Alaska where the men are all standing around commiserating while insisting their teammate serve up his own justice by sliding into a snowbank with just his jock strap on.

The men are, in effect, nurturing the transgressor.  They understand his pain, but he needs to face the harsh task ahead of him and grow thereby.  They listen to his griping and whining, but are relentless in their attitude of "Just do it."  There is also an underlying understanding that he made his bed, so now he gets to throw his delicate parts into it.

And yes, that's how I've been "nurturing" myself this past day.  Which I don't really like, cuz it makes one me sound harsh, and the other me sound wimpy.

Which brings up the question - what exactly is nurturing?

(which leads us to searching for a dictionary app or e-book.  Which takes time away from the thought process.  Not! helpful.)  Okay.  From Dictionary.com Android app:

     Nurture: to feed and protect; to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster; to bring up; train; educate  (also available as a noun.)  (rooted in the word nourishment)

To support and encourage (right into a snow bank.)  Train.  Educate.

That one.  Educate.  I like that word.  That is what I'm doing for myself.  Because the parts of me that need nurturing are the parts I know so little about... like the physical body. And I've been through education before, so I know it requires study and learning, it stretches the brain.  I understand how education works.  (At least for me.)  I enjoy the thought of educating myself.  It's a pretty empowering word.

So, I have been educating myself for the past day, and opening the door to further education.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

12413 - ThurisazR

You may fear your shields are down.  Just pay attention; you will be fine.

************************

Blech.

And hello, after, what? 3, 4 days?

Physically,  my shields were down.  I was virally attacked and I did not enjoy it at all.

In the past, having a cold was a cue to take some down time.  And guilt played a big part of the vicious cycle which went something like this.

I start feeling tired.  I don't want to do things.  But, work ethic and guilt and "good girl" syndrome kick in and start yelling at me, so I go do things.  Then I do get sick.  But is it really sick enough to take the day off?  To not go to school or work?  To lounge around in bed all day and sleep?  (oh wonderful sleep?)  Is it sick enough to eat bland things and drink wimpy teas?  Or am I just being lazy?  Do I just want a day without responsibility?  Guilt, exhaustion, guilt, exhaustion.  Until I finally do call in sick, because doing that was less fearful than being ill at school or work.

Of course, in grade school, I had an adult to make the decision for me.  And as an adult, I followed the rules of "if you're sick enough to stay home from work, you're sick enough to stay home from everything else."  (this actually backfired once.)  There was also the idea, once I got into the workplace, that it's better to go in sick and be sent home, then to call in sick.  "Because at least they can see you've tried."

Today, all of that game playing seems another kind of releasing of responsibility.  THEY get to tell us when we're sick enough to stay home.  THEY get to say working at a sub par speed for five days is better than taking one day off and working up to speed for the other four.  Maybe we all prefer to be victims, martyrs, submissive to THEY.

And yes, it's very easy for me to be philosophical about it in my position -- my clients are flexible, and if I don't accomplish my other responsibilities, I don't lose income or have to worry about feeding my children.

But from my perspective, it all comes down to this today.  (Or it still comes down to this.)  What is right for me?  For my body?  For my happiness?  Because I agonized for hours, even while bowed before the porcelain throne, whether to go to a client the next day.  Surely I would be better.  Surely it was more responsible to drag myself out into public, possibly infecting others, make myself do something because, hey, I wasn't really sick, I was just being lazy, right?  And looking back now, that just seems horribly terribly wrong. 

When I am healthy (and happy) I do the bookkeeping and the runes and the other things because I want to.  If I didn't want to, I wouldn't do it.  So, Lila, it's time to take even more responsibility.  When you're sick, which is difficult to admit in the first place, you'll heal much faster if you pay attention and focus on healing the problem, then if you play with guilt.

Of course, this also all ties into the mind over matter body issues; chemical versus emotional also plays into health versus illness.  So much to practice.  To stand up to.  To stand up for.

Speaking of, I don't expect I'll actually be doing a rune reading today.  I don't quite have the focus I'd like.  But I hope to read tomorrow and thus post on Monday.  We'll see what the body allows.

I hope you're having a great (and healthy!) day.

-Lila

12313 - Ehwaz

Can you identify all of your symbiotic relationships?  Some may surprise you.  What are you giving & what are you receiving?  Which ones make you happy?


*******************

The symbiotic relationship I most often neglect is the one with my body.  For many long years, I charged down the "mind over matter" road, sure my body would do what I asked, no matter it's condition or training.  Since I practiced before I asked it to do musical theater, and never ever demanded it to do marathons, we got along pretty well.  Sure, I was dramatic, but, hey! musical theater.  And I chalked my erratic mood swings up to empathy.

But eventually I realized some of my actions/ reactions/ Involuntary habits were due to chemicals, and not to emotional or mental flow.  In fact, the chemical could influence the emotional and mental.  Talk about being brought down a peg.  It just didn't seem right.  I accepted the brain sent electrical currents (and that just proved the mind was the most powerful muscle).  I figured out my beliefs on the soul, its purpose, it's separation from the body.  Heck, I had astrology to explain a lot of my behavior!

So to realize something as simple as food could have a major effect on me was very disturbing.  Caffeine, okay.  Alcohol, yes.  Tobacco, whatever.  Drugs... well, duh, that's why they're illegal.  Sugar only affected children of course.  But food...

Food was only about calories and taste.  Vitamins were for bones (and hair!).  There was no way they could have an effect on my body.  Much less all the other chemicals no one had even invented yet!

I still forget that I can be brought low by a lack of lunch.  And it can get pretty obvious when I forget my herbals.

So awareness of body is my theme for yesterday's reading.  To remember.  To care for.  To pamper a bit.  Because even if cloning becomes viable, I don't want it.  When this body is done, I'm done.  And I'm not done yet.

Therefore, I gots to take care of my body, so it can get me where I want to go.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

December 2013

(as seen in Spirit Wise newsletter)

The rune for December is Berkano.  Berkana, beorc, Birca

Berkano is the rune of nurturing, of providing warmth and comfort and safety.  Berkano is also the rune of growth; of leaving the nest when the time is come.  

December is still part of the dark times, a time when we naturallly go into ourselves and tidy up, make resolutions, make plans for the future.  December is also a time to rest from the work and prepare for the party.  

And for December, Berkano is pointing from past to future.

We have been doing a lot of introspection already, in these past months, as we have worked and focused and harvested and balanced.  So, if we focus a little more on the celebration and a little less on the introspection, that is fine.  All the work we've done in the past is going to nurture and shelter us now.  There may be moments where our truths require us to step up and step out, but for the main, let it flow.  Let it be easy and joyful.  Berkano will carry us through.

Berkano.  Earth Mother.  Let this dark time nurture us, so we can celebrate with our whole selves when the light returns.

I hope you have a great month.

-Lila

113013 - FehuR

Today is a good day to focus less on how your income flows in and more on how you use it to make yourself happy.

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For me, Fehu this time was less about the actual financial income than it was about the energy. The difference in the feel of energy when I purchase something for myself versus the feel when I allow someone else to purchase it for me.  Specifically, this weekend, it seemed to be about food.

Food is essential.  One of the "Basic Needs".  Food is very symbolic: breaking bread; the bread winner; bringing home the bacon; the hunter.  So when someone pays for another's meal, it is, in effect, receiving the food from the payer's hand.

I was one of those persons who insisted on paying for everyone, if possible.  Often  I felt this made up for not remembering birthdays or other holidays.  So the intention was truly to gift.  But... when someone receives a gift they do not want, it can feel more like a burden or an obligation.  And, in the case of allowing someone to purchase food for you, it can feel like giving away your power.

As I have been required to keep a closer eye on my finances (and have turned from financial gifts to energetic ones), so it is time to start looking at how I feel about receiving certain gifts.  When I go out with someone, am I happier paying for half, allowing them to pay for the whole meal, or each paying for their specific expenses?  Does it depend on the person, on the circumstances, on my mood?  Does it need to be spelled out beforehand, if only to myself?  What is going to make me happy?  Because eating food someone else provided while resenting that they provided it makes the meal sour.

Maybe part of it is being in tune with how the other person feels about purchasing/ receiving.  Is it an expectation, based on past practices, and thus feels more like an obligation and less like a gift?  Are they truly giving, or just doing what has become, in effect, their job?

I haven't quite worked it out yet.  Even now, a few days later.  I think I'd forgotten how symbolic food really is.  Something to continue pondering.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

112913 - Ingwaz

Yes! Today there is some proof that allt he hard work is crating something.  The seed has sprouted, and we get a little taste (or visual) of the material/ physical/ financial results.   Congratulations!

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Since there have been many things in action, many skills and habits being practiced, I actually had a lot of results.  Technically, having a today is a result of all the hard work.

But specifically, and the things that struck the biggest chord for possibilities of the earthen nature, have to do with my physical health/ well being.

One, I continued on the insurance quest.  Just the thought makes me want to scream and bury my head in the sand.  Frankly, I am ambivalent about having insurance, and, it is true, I hope the next major medical issue I have just kills me in one fell swoop rather than having to deal with the crisis of bills & health care professionals and EVERYONE having an opinion on how I should behave.  But, until then, being healthy in America takes a lot of cash!  So right now, I am viewing having insurance like having a membership in a club.  I may not use the equipment every day, but at least when I want to, I can.  And, right now, I feel better having the insurance than not.  Shrug.

So.  Yesterday I took the next step in exploring the insurance possibilities available through (or due to?) the new policies of President Obama.  Since, in my perspective, medical costs are scandelously high, it's possible this Insurance Act (I don't know the official name or designation) was created because I need it.  I think it's wrong that everyone should be required to have insurance, but, since I do actually want the insurance, I'm going to reach out with both hands and grasp whatever assistance is offered that feels right for me.  Basically, taking control of my health.  (Or taking another step toward it.)

And speaking of steps, the other thing that bloomed as a possibility yesterday was a health app on my phone.  I was exploring the app store for emoticons (I do not like the emoticons available on my phone) and between one thing and another, ended up looking at the S-Health app.  Which will, when I am diligent, track calories in and out, steps taken, and (may it please my future self), weight lost.

Sadly, because I spent all night playing with apps (most of which I uninstalled almost immediately), I am behind schedule now, so I am going to post this without editing and hope to return to it later.   (Though, let's face it.  Once it's posted, I tend to move on.)

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

112713 - JeraR

It seems the harvest is elusive.  It may not be quite time to reap.  Or, the produce may appear different than expected.  Either way, you choose what you will accept.

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Hmmph.  Well.  The harvest itself is not feeling elusive...  because of the reading, I relaxed yesterday and allowed everything to be a step toward my goals, or an unanticipated result of all my hard work.  Sometimes it's all about perspective.

What was elusive, until I thought that last line (just now), was my mouse - which has flowers and leaves on it.  I was going to type about my search for it, and how I looked -- not in all possible places, otherwise I would have found it, but in all places I thought it could possibly be.  However, I shall type about the finding of it instead.

As I type, I have a habit of glancing around the room, as if looking away from the screen triggers the thoughts; or as if watching the words appear on the screen inhibits further words.  (And it feels pretty cool to type while appearing to pay attention to something else.)  So, I was looking down at the floor when I typed the line about perspective. I saw a shelf.  I realized I hadn't actually looked under that shelf.  I'd looked behind it, but not under it.

And there was my mouse.  Under the shelf.  Yay!

So, my harvest feels bountiful, with anticipation of more to come.  I am happy.

Since today is a festival day for Americans (which means me), I am going to take a day off from rune pulling.  There will be no rune blog tomorrow.  However, there has already been much introspection and ruminating, and when I happy I love to express myself, so keep an eye on the "meanderings" blog.  There may be MORE harvest!

I hope you have great day!

-Lila

112613 - SoweloR

some goals haven't been reached yet and it may feel like you've been trudging forever.  A distraction or a different perspective may help rejuvenate your sense of purpose.

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the thing that sticks out most as feeling like the "unreachable goal" is my body shape.

disclaimer here: as long as a person is happy with their lifestyle, let them be whatever shape they desire, wear what they want, and let no insecure gossip monger dare to say otherwise.  (unless it's a child.  But that falls under the whole responsibility toward others umbrella and is a very tricky, tangled subject.)  So sayeth I.

I am happy with my lifestyle, especially as food has been a main source of comfort in my life and I have never felt inclined to many physical activities.  But, I am not happy with the shape I have because, when I look in the mirror, I do not see what I feel.  Therefore I am determined to change my shape.  

In the past two weeks I have increased my physical activity.  I even (speak softly) do crunches in the morning.  And yes, every time I squeeze my upper body up off the matt, I feel a little like I'm betraying my people - the happy, comfortable, non-exercising people.  But, I can see no other way to achieve the shape I desire.  Surgery is scary, and wishing hasn't worked - except to change some of my tastes, my attention to what I eat, and my desire to actually do something.

So I have been doing some exercises.  And actually feeling a like my goal was achievable.  Then yesterday, I put on a fun outfit, looked in the mirror, and just wanted to cry.  I knew the bulge was because of food choices in the last few days -- or I assume it was.

The worst part was, yesterday was a day of dining out.  So the taste buds warred with the memory of myself in the mirror.  I don't know if anyone won, yesterday.

At least I have a little more practice in knowing what I don't want to eat when I feel that way about my body.  And more knowledge of my patterns in certain situations.

Because yesterday's distraction was shoes.  I went shopping for a particular type of boot.  I had my usual problem meshing visually pleasing with desired purpose and good fit.  In wandering up and down the aisles between sizes, I found a pair of boots that was cute and functional and perfect! except they weren't what I was shopping for.

I did manage to talk myself out of a panic/ frustration attack and I did achieve my objective by compromising .  I have a few ideas in mind for when I next go shoe shopping - about how to make it easier on myself.

And I did reward myself by purchasing the perfect boots.  And then I came home and realized they were a size too big. So I geared myself up and went back to the store (returning things is also not easy for me) and I not only found them in a better size, I found them in two colors.

And so I rewarded myself with something fun to consume when I went out to dinner.  (A gingerbread shake. Wow!)  But I think I would have been happiest if I'd left it at that, and not consumed anything else at the restaurant.

And so, in conclusion, yesterday it did feel like I may never reach my desired shape.  But I learned a few more things about myself and my reactions; and this morning I did the crunches yet again.  So.  Yay me.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

112513 - PerthroR

Today the choices are yours.  No outside influence or sudden influx of energy will affect the situation.  What works best for you to keep the momentum?

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"What works best for you to keep the momentum?"  It's an interesting question.  My immediate response is, rewards.  Rewards work best for me!  ("Gimme what's in the bag!")  And this is true to an extent.  I often say to myself, "nope, can't have/read/eat/watch/play that until you've finished this."

But, that is both the reward system and the practice of making my consumption, in whatever form, also have value.  And, frankly, the reward system is just a form of doing something that I'll be glad I've done to get something that makes me happy.  So, there's a deeper propulsion.

Yesterday, the most difficult thing was filling out a job application online.  
  I have been working from home for a long time, and sometimes the thought of being out in public again is, um, well, frightening.  On the other hand, if I keep just staying in the house, it'll become more and more difficult to leave it.  And I want to travel!  So, yes, in the midst of winter, I am practicing getting out of the house.

Which includes having an outside job.

First, I fixed up my resume.
Then I decided which job to apply for.
Then I filled out the online application.

Good Ness!  What a chore!!  I didn't even think about copying and pasting from the resume, because the smallness of the boxes made me think my writing space was limited.  And of course, there was the availability section, which meant a thorough examination of my schedule for the next 3 months.  AAAAArrrrrrggggghhhh.

So, what propelled me through the process, and through actually hitting the send button?

Because it will get me what I want.

Examining my actions of yesterday, and this morning, and previous and future intentions, the base line is this.  I do what I do because it gets me what I want.  From washing dishes to folding laundry to laughing at my SO's jokes, I do what I want because it makes me happy.  And I want, more than anything else, to be happy.  If I want to feel productive, I get out of bed.  If I really want to stay in dream land, I snuggle down.  And both those feelings make me happy, at specific times.

Productivity, respect, self confidence and self worth all aside, the feeling that helps me keep the momentum is "What makes me happy?"

Like rushing through this post so I can do the daily reading, dress up & be on time for a lunch date.  That makes me happy.  *G*

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

112413 - Mannaz in Air

Let us balance our communication; we can speak our truths in a form acceptable to our listeners.

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Thanks to this rune yesterday, I did pay attention to how I communicated, with an ear toward trying to express myself more politely, kindly, compassionately.  That is a good word.  Compassionately -- because it indiicates an awareness of the listener's state of mind, yet doesn't really indicate giving up the truth of what I want to say.
I found out, in most cases, it was easiest to speak other peoples' thoughts.  Trying to get my truths from brain to tongue was (and has been) very difficult.  (Hence my preferance for writing.)
But when I am in conversation with someone, and we are thinking the same thing, then it is easy to express myself.  Because the listener is already thinking it.
Is this a by-product of divination?  Or is divination easier for me because I am more tapped into others' brains than my own?  At least verbally.

Concurrently, communication via my favored form has also been interesting... the internet has been playing silly buggers again.  So I am actually typing this from my phone.  Another adventure in communication.
One of the reasons I purchased this phone was because Windows Office could be downloaded to it in a mobile version.  Yay!  I could work directly on my stories or meanderings without having to save it in 40 different formats.
Yeah, well.
Turns out, the mobile versions do not play well with the keyboard accessory I have.  (I couldn't enter spaces.  Letters, but no spaces.  Do you realize how important spaces are?  They give words form, definition.  So philisophical.)  So, Ihave to find another way (which is polaris office.)  I am going to have to balance between the two programs.  I am going to have to do that for many of the forms of communication of this new phone, because some of the programs I really like don't work the way I want them to.
It's practice.  It balance.  It's being compassionate (open and understanding) toward the device I'm using to communicate.

So.  I hope this reads as well as it sounded in my head.  I'm going to have to practice squinting proofreading if the internet continues it's trickster course.  Granted, it helped me discover a few things...

I hope you have a great day!
-Lila

112313 - DagazR

If you feel stuck, close your eyes and point.  A guess is as good as an analysis and takes much less time.

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So we had a Doctor Who party and thus this was a helpful reading, because when I get into the grocery store and suddenly remember all sorts of things that could be needed, I get a little frantic.  Allowing myself to just grab a few things that seemed fun, and then high-tail it out of there, was very freeing.

Later in the day, I accidently gauged some skin from my finger and the band-aid I ended up using was shaped like an hourglass (Dagaz.)  My neice, who was applying the first aid, made a comment about time.

And really, if you think about it, maybe the Dagaz symbol was also for the Doctor Who event.  But then it would just be saying, since it was reversed, "Um, no.  You're not a Time Lord."  Or, more reassuring to me, "No, you won't have to live forever."

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

112213 - Kunos

oooh. choices! open doors. You decide what you’re going to make.

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I may as well interpret this now also.  Cause all the choices I made today seemed to fill my day (and tomorrow) and leave me little time to post!

But that is okay.  But I chose to purchase tools today that will help me be more efficient (and have fun).  May the TechDieties continue to smile upon me!

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

112113 - WunjoR

Today is a day to stay home, stay isolated, keep the news to yourself a little longer.  Not the best day for a party.

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Following those rules, I should just leave this as is, and go  no further.

But - I am trying a change of timing.  The relevance of today's reading to my life won't actually be posted until tomorrow.  Mostly because, sometimes I don't get the daily reading done until 1/2 way through the day.  And, in my head, the reading would be relevant until the next reading (or for 24 hours, anyway.)  so.  We'll see what happens.

but this also means I'll try and get the actual reading posted sooner - possibly with a picture.  We'll see what works.  (Tech is my friend.  Tech is my friend.  Tech is my friend...)

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila


******************
turns out I could have posted this yesterday... because it was actually about the weather.  A good day to stay home and not do any unnecessary travelling *G*.

-L

112013 - Mannaz

Change is difficult.  Maybe today, instead of making a big change, we can create a synthesis between what was & what will be.

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At first, I thought this was about taking small steps today.  Wanting something to change right now, but needing to do it one step at a time.

And it is.  But, for me at least, I think I had the timing wrong.

Because I do have dreams, goals, ambitions, projects; and sometimes I feel like they're never coming to fruition.

And I was considering all those plans, and, further, all the things I have already done in my life.  Things I did make happen.  And I realized, today's reading may be more of an assurance.  

Things happen in small steps.  The bigger the change, the more people it affects, the longer it takes.  Therefore, don't give up.  Small steps.  Just taking steps.  Keep taking steps.  That is the chain, that is the synthesis, that is the balance.  Change one small thing, and bigger things will grow.  From yesterday to today to tomorrow.

Keep stepping.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

111913 - Jera & Mannaz

A good day to practice balance between spiritual & physical, as more harvest comes in.  Celebrate with moderation, and allow this harvest to propel you further along your path, instead of into old habits.

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Today, many things happened that could be considered the effects of previous causes, but I would say the main example of harvest today, for me, was a surplus of energy.

It has, for me, been a very hard working year.  A lot of energy has been used for myself personally, for situations around me, for others.  Energy being what it is, it's not always easy to pinpoint exactly where we're using it or how effective the use is.

But it is becoming obvious (to me) that I do not need to be expending as much energy these days as I used to.  So I find myself, suddenly, with an excess.

With this energy comes a buoyant feeling of good will, exuberance, joy, bubbles!  Which is very nice.  Certainly a lighter weight than I have been feeling.  Sadly, the extra energy can sometimes create a wave of erratic, possibly manic, behavior.  For example, exuberance when driving can turn to frustration, and then a desire to play monster truck with the people in the left hand lane who are going ten miles under the speed limit!

(inhale.  exhale.  move on.)

I did not like the way I was feeling when I arrived home.  And that, that is not a harvest I desire.

Happily, some of my other skills, things I have been practicing, kicked into gear.  I took a deep breath, stepped back, accepted my behavior and moved on.

For me, moving on meant first, to be productive.  And then, to do some energy work to heal any harm that might have been done.  And when my brain just couldn't operate anymore, I did turn to old habits of eating and watching movies.

Happily, my other major harvest for the year is you.  Because of you, I examined my day again, prepared to flog myself publicly for my terrible actions ( being energetic and a little too gleeful; mentally blowing up vehicles, turning to old habits)  Since fail isn't in my vocabulary, I was trying to find ways to say I'd failed without actually using the word.

But there was no failure.  There was only the same thing there is every day.  Choices were made.  Results were accepted.  And I am here, at the end of the day, feeling happy, because of you.

I now know I need to work on my awareness of how much energy is flowing versus how much I am using.  No sense lighting my votive candle with a dragon -- oh, it could be fun, (insert evil laugh here)  but it'll probably be messy; and it will effect people who had nothing to do with either candle or dragon.  Or even the desire to have light.

And I know I still turn to food and mindlessness for escape.  But since I had celery & peanut butter instead of cake & frosting, I am going to give myself a star.

And I know I still have a tendency to focus on the problem side of the issue.  But, I also have you, to whom I must admit my progress as well as my recurring weaknesses.

So thank you, You.  For being part of my harvest.  And helping me replace old unhappy habits with new, happy ones.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila