122813 Ehwaz

Transformation does not mean everything must change; nor must all be lost.  Comfortable habits from the past can facilitate relationships in the future.

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I for one am grateful for these words...  because things are changing so quickly it seems.  I realize it is simply the culmination of the change -- the birth happens suddenly, but one does prepare for 9 months prior -- but still, this last week has felt like a house dropping on my head.

So it is reassuring to know that though relationships change, they need not dissolve altogether.  Acceptance and non-judgement.  And yes, using old habits, ways of working together, to ease into the new form the relationship has taken.  Which is excellent, because we all change, and thus our relationships must change also.

More comfortable for me to talk about right now is my renewed interest in singing.  It's never been totally dormant, but it has, mostly, lain fallow (unless you count in the car going "65 I swear, officer" down the highway.  Belting is a requirement at that speed.)  Suddenly, I am exploring vocal warm ups on You Tube (Eric Arceneaux), paying attention to my support (mostly), and trying to find my classical voice.  As I used to take voice lessons, many of proper singings tools are comfortable old habits.  Rusty, but comfortable.  Like putting on the prom dress and realizing you just need to iron it out and make adjustment to one seam.

An uncomfortable habit is videotaping myself to see what I really need to work on.  My voice teacher used to record me on tape; I never like the sound of my recorded voice.

I was happily surprised to realize I wasn't horrified by the video tape.  I am unable to say I was awesome, because, I really don't know.  But I was decent.  I didn't cringe away from my voice or even from watching myself.  And now I know a lot of things I need to work on.  Work-on-able things.  So somewhere I developed the habit of being able to critique myself in a positive fashion.  Yay me!

Of course, I have no desire for singing to replace any of my other loves (reading, riting, rithmatic or rumination!) so I hope this transformation means my skills have developed enough to fit something new into the mix.

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122913 nothing at all (seriously, no rune wanted to be pulled.  The universe was busy *G*.)

123013 DagazR:  Today is a day to keep moving ahead, no judgements or analysis.  One step in front of the other, slow and steady, with a deep breath in between.  Make sure each step is finished before you move on, but don't stop to critique.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

122713 FehuR, AnsazR

It may feel difficult today to get your ideas to flow into the productivity stage.  Two 
options:  change your focus (go AROUND the block), or chuck it for the day (go for coffee.)

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And so we see how pride goeth before a humble admission of being just like everyone else.

Ansaz is a communication stone, and it may not be evident in the post above, but in my head yesterday's reading was about communication.  Maybe it was so just for me.  Anyway.  I found it amusing because, well, I consider the posting of the rune readings to be communication.  Just reading the runes is communication.  So, I'm posting that the ideas (interpretation of the rune) may have difficulty getting to the productivity stage (actual posting of said interpretation.)  Nya nya, not for me.  Lalalalalalalala.

(Side note - I pulled an Ogham card yesterday which spoke of free expression.  Share your ideas!  Ha!  Ogham trumps Rune.)

So I did my rune readings, I sent some emails, I sang some, I talked to my person.  Very very productive day.  Except.

Except.

One of my goals yesterday was to get to the personal bookkeeping, and part of the bookkeeping means going through the emails to check for bills and payments, etc.  And I knew there was an email in that category I really needed to answer (or at least acknowledge.)

Every time I sat down, something else popped up.  I tried 3 or 4 times.  And finally, at the end of the day, I realized this was my production block.  Each different approach had failed.  So, I raised my eyebrows at my computer, and did the equivalent of going out for coffee.

I really do hope I get to them today.

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122813 Ehwaz

Transformation does not mean everything must change; nor must all be lost.  Comfortable habits from the past can facilitate relationships in the future.

I hope you  have a great day!

122413 Berkano

Today's nurturing includes the energy of others, whether you are nurturing them or receiving nourishment from them.  Deep breath, and you decide what feels best in each situation.

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Ah.  This one came as a big surprise to me.  This last year being difficult for many people, I have become accustomed to relying mostly on myself.  To not turning to anyone.  I have been practicing asking for help, but...   And, as I imagine is happening with many people, though things are slowly improving, this past week has been one of major upheaval.

I was having a break down (and trying to sing through it), when my person came in and gave me exactly what I needed, a hug.  Scarily, this nurturing did NOT stop the meltdown, it facilitated it and out poured all sorts of words, describing feelings I would never have thought I was having.

And I'll be honest.  I did start the break down with the thought, knowledge that I needed some outside assistance (cuz the rune said so), and I was working on feeling the spiritual support (when I wasn't singing angry woman music.)  Having the physical support was astounding and today I realize something.  (Here's the kick in the pants part of the nurturing...)

I've gotten a little too used to the difficult status quo.  My responses and patterns are still based on the protective posture I've been practicing.  Frankly, I'm still getting used to the idea that I have the right and responsibility to protect myself, to stand up for myself, to do for myself.

But now, things are improving.  And there are people I can turn to, and people I can let in.  Today is not yesterday, every moment is new, every situation is a death and a birth.  And if I don't want to be alone, then I need to put a window in the protective walls and see who's out there helping me.

So Thanks, Berkano, and person, for the support and the subsequent learning experience (yes, slight sarcasm).  Thanks for helping me reach one of the sore spots, thanks for helping see the positive side, eventually.  And "Thank you for the music" (Abba), especially the song "Piece of Sky" from Yentl.  

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Reading for 122713  FehuR, AnsazR

It may feel difficult today to get your ideas to flow into the productivity stage.  Two options:  change your focus (go AROUND the block), or chuck it for the day (go for coffee.)

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila

122313 Ingwaz

An idea or project you (we) have been feeding (and have possibly given up on) will show signs of growth today.  Yay us!

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I honestly have no idea about this one.  Possibilities: I increased my internet presence a little yesterday (Skype, Linkdin (or whatever), edited some of this website).  Today, I have no clue if any of that is relevant.  So I will believe that something I did watered the blossom that sprouted.  Or added more fuel for future blossoming.  Maybe it was in my meditations, my interactions with others.  Feeding the squirrels.  I do not know.  *wry grin*

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122413 Berkano

Today's nurturing includes the energy of others, whether you are nurturing them or receiving nourishment from them.  Deep breath, and you decide what feels best in each situation.

I hope you have a great day!

122213 DagazR off water

The driving force today is the hope, or fear, you are acting without fully analyzing, especially in emotional areas.

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This past day was another transformation for me in the area of emotion.  This, combined with an Ogham reading I did, indicated I was to lead with my heart.

I took that to mean communicating (or acting) without second guessing and without editing.  So when it came time to communicate in an emotional area, I did it as a (to me) jumble of words.

And I am grateful that I did that, that I spoke freely.  Otherwise, my second guessing would be based on an analytical perspective instead of a heartfelt one.  One can always second guess the analysis.  But when one speaks from the heart, pours out their truth, there's nothing really to second guess.

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122313 - Ingwaz
An idea or project you (or we) have been feeding (and have possibly given up on) will show signs of growth today.  Yay us!

I hope you're having a great day!

-Lila

121813 JeraR

It may feel like you're not receiving the equivalent of the energy you put out, particularly in communications.  Remember, the harvest isn't all in yet.  Tomorrow is another day.

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Communications wise, I can see how this applied to a friend, yesterday.  His perception led him to expect the conversation to go one way, when it didn't go anywhere at all.

For me personally, yesterday was much more about the physical harvest as relates to health.  It seems I put a lot of time and energy into thinking about my health and my body in general, and yet haven't received the results I expected.  Like taking medication and not having it work the way I hoped.

Was the seed not planted soon enough (ie: the meds not taken in a timely fashion)?  Have i not waited a long enough time?  Is more care required?

Well, like I said, today is another day.

I hope you're having a great one!

-Lila

121513 BerkanoR, AnsazR

Double check your information, especially in the financial or physical area.

And yes, once more, no coddling.  

Together, this means, don't push yourself beyond your limits.  Listen to your body.  Can you do more with ease and competence?

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Yeah.  That was a little convoluted.

Trying to cover all the bases for all the people, I imagine.

Well, for me, the communication issues yesterday were extremely convoluted.

It started with an unexpected outburst.  I said something forceful to someone else, and sent myself into a journey of self exploration.  Yippee, she says softly and with little enthusiasm.

I do not have a history of speaking forcefully, so once I recovered from my shock and amazement, and processed the reaction of the person I'd been speaking to, my impulse was to go apologize.

I didn't.

In the first place, I had no idea why I snapped.  (Still don't.)  So making an apology was meaningless.  Insincere.  It would only be a "oh, don't hate me!"

I replayed and replayed the incident (except for the actual words, which I can no longer remember.)  And every rewording or long drawn out, carefully explained non-apology sounded, well, weak.  Wrong.  Devaluing.  The only relevant apology would be for being myself.  And, as I accept myself, there is no need to apologize.

Eventually, I came around to this conclusion.  I have to trust myself.  I have to honor myself.  I go on and on about speaking from our truths.  What if what I said, or the way I said it, was something that needed to be said or done?  From my truth and for hers?   What if what I said was the kindest, or most healing, thing that could be said?

So.  This left me with an interesting emotional cloud to wallow in.  Who knew NOT apologizing took such strength?

I knew the best thing for me to do was to meditate.  Settle myself down.  Look in deep and make sure I was moving froward from a, well, "happy" place, and not a grudging one.

Instead, I wallowed, a martyr to trauma.  I ate chocolate and watched videos until late in the night.  Perhaps punishing myself with unwanted calories.  Shrug.  Perhaps deliberately not doing what I needed.  Or perhaps my brain thought it had had enough trauma for one day and feared the self introspection of meditation.  Silly brain.

So, I coddled myself instead of healed and soothed, due to an interesting, still not quite understood communication.  And even know I haven't meditated.  I have done a long of busy work, cleaned up & sorted.  But the spiritual has taken a back road.

Interestingly enough, the internet went down also yesterday.  Talk about communication issues.

There was no reading today (see the busy work paragraph) and tomorrow is the full  moon.  But I'll be back in touch with you soon.

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila