Deep, deep down is the hope or fear that some genetic gift passed you by.
Stand tall. You are not your ancestors; your choices are your own.
And your today is your choice.
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My mom seemed to have a lot of health issues (except for her hairline) before she died. Issues which, frankly, I would rather be dead than suffer through. But maybe she didn't suffer the way I would have suffered. Maybe her pain tolerance was different; maybe her activities were more mental anyway.
There are many maybes and one truth. I am not her.
But yesterday had nothing to do with any known matriarchal health issues. No matter how I try to slant my perception, no matter how deeply I dug into my unconscious motivations.
So, what did it have to do with?
Ancestral gifts is about inheritance: of land, of skills, of traditions perhaps. Since I personally am on a quest for happy income, it most likely had to do with fields occupied by others in my family. As I hunted through various web sites, there were probably, deep down, echoes of "Well, she did that." Or, "I could be like him." Or even "But we already have one of those in the family." Which is good to know. Because, again, my happiness does not rest on what others have done, or even (mostly) on being the only one who does something. My truth is about what I want to do.
Enlightenment is Awesome - especially if one remembers everything one feels enlightened about. Such as, um, Lila, your slight obsession with your health is pretty conscious. Way off the mat means deep, deep, deep, deep down. Quit looking at the obvious, please.
To which, if anyone else said that, I would reply. Okay. Lesson learned. Now quit beating yourself up!
So. Onto the new day.
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LIR 72914 - UrazR
Not everything has to be a permanent part of your life. Trying something new can be fun, exciting, & non-comittal.
I hope you have a great day!
-Lila
-Lila
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