Aggression, resistance, protection. These can be lower than expected today, in you or in another. Is this good? Is more shielding required? Or perhaps less?
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It's difficult to express this one easily. I have doing a lot of practicing with believing in myself, being true to myself. A lot of this practice requires positive thinking, or, at the least, a release of negative thinking. Which means I am working on NOT anticipating any outcome or reaction from others, only focusing on my goals and being open to the possibilities that feed everyones' truths, instead of projecting reactions. So, in that sense, there was no expectation of resistance in the parts of today which were ...
Today I asked for help. This is something I have been practicing, and I am still practicing. In the past, I would have projected various actions, reactions and scenarios; and when it came time to ask, my behavior would have been... I think passive aggressive is the right description. As in: Help me, but only if you want to and I really don't need what I really need, and your happiness is more important than my happiness but you really want to make me happy, don't you?
However, I have also been practicing being true to myself, and accepting that I do need what I need. I have been practicing believing my happiness is as important as anyone else's. I have been practicing standing up for my choices. I have practiced doing. I have, in short, been practicing being a responsible, honorable adult.
This requires more than a release of negative thinking -- it is a release of anticipation, of expectation for ANY outcome. Which takes practice.
In addition, I believe I can be happy at the same time someone else is happy. It need not be one or the other. So, I practice being open to the possibilities that feed everyones' truths.
Yup, it is a lot of work. But everything becomes easier with practice. And because of this practice, I had no expectations when I asked for help. Therefore, I was open to the response I received, and was able to engage in honorable, adult conversation to create possibilities. And therefore this event really didn't apply to the reading at all.
However.
Riding on the success of putting my practice into, well, practice, I found myself blithely heading into a maelstrom of old habits and confusions. I lost track of time and date, and tried to cram a lot of events (dinner, laundry, packing, prep for tomorrow) into about two hours. Since these events involved other people, they did not flow as smoothly as I wanted them to and I became frustrated.
I did handle the frustration better than I would have 3 months ago, (thanks to my practice of breathing and stepping out of the energetic whirlwind); but that is the moment a bit more shielding (or a bit less aggression from self) would have been nice to have.
I hope you had a great day!
-Lila
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