10613 - Teiwaz, Eihwaz

Part 1: Teiwaz - sacrifices you might be making today will have positive returns in the future.

Part 2: Eihwaz in water - Emotional impact from past can affect future; you choose how to balance what was with what can be.

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Well, obviously, whatever yesterday was about, one thing it did was (hmm) remove me from the universe for a solar rotation.  Let's start from the beginning.

Teiwaz was in air, which did not come up in the reading, but I did remember it throughout my morning.  Air is communication and inspiration.  One of the most difficult types of communication for me is talking on the telephone.  So, the indication of sacrifices pushed me to make phone calls when i would be more inclined to send text messages, yesterday.  I did feel mightily pleased with myself.

One of those calls reminded me of a task I'd agreed to do, so I virtuously began it.  As this task involved heavy lifting, carrying, and playing with a database, I was again mightily pleased (cuz I was exercising as well as helping.  And I learned I can sing and do easy data entry at the same time.  Multitasking!)

But, then, the task led to introspection and emotional delving.  I am a crier, and I am learning to be proud of it.  It helps get the emotions OUT.  And I've learned to revel in the emotions; it feels like a celebration of life.
  So, I finished the task and the emotional journey, again feeling good and productive and nostalgic.  I decided to take a break and have lunch and finish reading a book.

And that became, somehow, a feast of gorging myself, on food and on words.  (There are perhaps many psychological implications in this.)  It is something I used to do regularly.  Of course, if I could, I would read while doing everything!  And I love food.  And I used to smoke regularly.  So reading did become associated with putting things in my mouth.  We could say I regressed yesterday.  I don't think I stopped eating until I finally became too tired to read.  This morning I took up right where I'd left off, though, happily, there wasn't much left in the house to mindlessly munch on.  (there is a reason I don't buy snack foods!)

I can't say it was exactly 24 hours later when the compulsion eased up; but by lunch time, while I was still reading, I wasn't eating for the sake of eating.  And by now, I have managed to get a few chores done, and I've even been outside once or twice.

So, if this gorging was related to the "emotional impact of the past" (highly possible), then I can't say I handled it well.  Well, let's change that wording.  I really dislike how I handled it.  It didn't make me happy!  Even the reading.  I love reading, but...  I probably would be happier about it if I'd at least gotten some writing done to balance it.
  But the food thing.  Blech.
  So hopefully that is the impact on the future.  That next time I'm swept into an emotional regression, I'll do a better job of balancing the "comfort process" with my work, so when I arrive on the other side of the maelstrom, I'm happy.

Yup.  That's about it.  Tomorrow will be a better day.

I hope you had a great day!

-Lila